I have nothing to do but I am weary. During the last week, I had so much to go through so I just wrote and wrote :)

March 1, 2011

Hello Blog! and as well to those who read my sanctuary. Actually, I don't really know if there are people who read this since I am not a real deal and famous to be read about, maybe we just have some thing in common :) Anyways, I'm not directly typing at my blog. I am writing at an individual table here at the library while listening to the FM radio, away from my usual company. Somehow, I feel quite peaceful. It's nice to be alone sometimes and think of my post to enter.

Honestly, I feel not being happy nowadays. I mean not completely happy. That's why I like to ponder about the things that has been happening to my life. I know that God puts me here for me to understand how things are if I experience or to experience the best and worst of both worlds.

NOSTALGIA
I miss how the things are before. I know it's odd and irritating because I keep on repeating myself over the same issue. Can you blame me? Maybe the reason why I feel this way is because I know the fact that things can never go back to how they were before.

I'm glad to see that my friends are enjoying their College lives though it makes me a bit envious to them. Somehow, I want those happy moments to be spent with the old us. It's as if I'm stuck in the middle of a race thinking which way to go while all of them are running and trying to finish their own. Is it really true? That what happened in High School remains at High School? Can they still recall the good,old days when we're still young, stupid and careless?

PAROXYSM
I don't know what to feel now that I am here at College. I can do better now and I excel most of the time. My classmates praise me for being good at those and that and for a lot more. Though I feel being on the top now, I can't laugh nor be happy like I used to be.

Back then, I'm not a High School awardee and I think I deserve that. I don't feel sad about it though. I aimed at being a medalist but when it turned out that I can't be, I accepted that fate. I spent the remaining years enjoying my life with my friends and some villains, Though we're bombarded with school requirements and barely sleep, we still managed to hold ourselves up, supporting each other. I was so happy doing some things for the first time in my life :)

Honestly, I feel quite at ease when I entered College, same goes at my Sophomore year though it went a level higher. Before entering College, my friends and I promised that we will do our best to survive :) I was surprised when I was able to do it but I never thought I'll be judged because I'm luckier than anyone else inside the room. Like what I've said before, I tried to stood behind every one else since the time I don't want to remember. If ever I can do better, is it really my fault? If ever I want to get serious at this point, should I retract because you see me as a bad person? :(

Nakukuha ko na kung ano ang gusto ko. Natutupad ko na yung promise namin. Kung tutuusin dapat masaya na ako, pero bakit hindi? Bakit mas masaya pa ako noong bale wala lang saken 'tong mga bagay na 'to?

SKEPTIC
That's what I feel about my usual company. Maybe my Ate is so fed up to me for always telling her about them but I really don't have someone to listen to about this. My usual companions are nice if they are but there's really something about them that I dislike. However, the traits I dislike about them are eating me up. Because of what are happening right now, I tend to lie most of the time :( They said that liars go to hell. I guess they're wrong. The truth is liars live in hell- just like what has been happening to me.

March 4, 2011

THE RHODORA BY THE CLIFF
And it just happened. I started to avoid my usual company. Actually it's not 100% avoidance. I just stop talking about the usual things I want to share. After all, I feel that it is not necessary for them to know what these things are and I am not quite sure if they really understand what I want to say. On the other hand, I didn't avoid them just because I want to. I have reasons that I know they know as well, I'm just not sure if they are aware of it. As days passed by between me and my usual company, I didn't feel like a friend. I felt being a subordinate. I felt being Yun Baekhui. The Yun Baekhui who is Ko Hyemi's tail :(

I am still a Rhodora at the cliff. A flower that grew under the shadows. Now that the big rocks that shadow me all throughout have fallen down the cliff, days are just waiting for me to follow. If you'll ask until when? Until she'll realize that it's not me but her.

IT'S ALRIGHT
I am writing away from then and it doesn't feel sad unlike how I expected. Of course they are asking me what's the matter and I said none. Maybe I'm still not ready to let go of it. Are they worried about it now? Do they still think that I'm just sick or I lack sleep that's why I don't act the same. It has been 2 days but I still feel alright. It's kinda hard to be this cold but I felt quite at peace. Does it mean I made the right decision?

No matter what will happen, I know I should carry on. I s ill have my old friends to fall back on. Gigi proved it to me last night :) I still have my friends that I am sure will never leave me sad. There are just some people, I will always go back to :)

HAKUNA MATATA
Means no worries. I know that this will eventually be alright. Things will fall back on its proper way again. I am just hoping to hang on a little more :)

March 9,2011

Napakahimbing ng araw na 'to :) NSTP and SpEd namin pero nstp lang pinasukan ko na ubod ng sayang sa oras. Wala lang pumunta lang kami doon ng 8:50 tapos nagout ng 9:15 para kunin ang mga pangalan. Last day na ng NSTP at graduation ng mga students namin tomorrow, sana makapunta kami :) Hassle ang NSTP pero mamimiss ko lalo na ang pagtuturo. Sana makapunta pa rin ako dun sa Paco kahit na wala na kaming assignment doon. Mamimiss ko yung sobrang matutulunging tao na super ang asikaso samen. Sana marami pang tulad nila :)

Di pala ako pumasok ng SpEd. Lahat pala kami :p Ang haba kasi ng oras na hihintayin. Umuwi nalang kami. Ayun nagawa ko rin ang protocol at video ko for Law mataos ang aking mahabang himbing. Ang sarap matulog :)

March 8,2011

I am very sleepy today but I managed to wake up at an earlier time. I went to school early 'cause I can't afford to be late :p

As I was walking at Rotonda, someone called my name. Hahahaha! It's Dandan. I didn't saw him at the jeep but he said we were on the same trip. I miss my Elementary days :) We talked about it and how everything changed. Hmmmm we're close when we were in Elem, actually we were classmates since kindergarten and school mates till High School. But we never talked casually back in High School. I don't know why, I guess it'll be like that when people grow up :)

Ayun after some time naghiwalay na rin kami ng way kasi MRT siya, ako LRT. Natatawa na lang ako. Di ko lubos maisip kung pano ko siya naging crush noon LOL

Masaya naman ang araw ko, peaceful. Siya nga pala nanominate ako for service award. Nakakatuwa na may tiwala classmates ko saken pero medyo nahihiya ako baka kasi mayabangan yung iba saken. Wag naman sana :)

Kakabasa ko lang ng text ni Pia. Namimiss ko naman GM ng Law! Parang dati gabi gabi at uma umaga yun ah. Ngayon halos wala na TT.TT Pero okay lang siguro babalik din ang mga yun :)

March 10,2011

Adik! nagmamadali na kami sa mga lessons ngayon. Grabe nangangarag na ako, good thing wala na akong report, yun nga lang ang dami ko pang ioorganize na program for next week. Grabe hindi ko alam kung paano pagkakasyahin ang Miyerkules at Huwebes. May finals pa ako sa SpEd ng Wed na kasabay ng oath taking ko sa PsychSoc. May finals sa AnaPhy after ng kick-off.

Binigay na pala ang class card sa Theories. Maswerte pa rin ako :) Sinabi ko rin sa parents ko yung service award, natuwa naman sila LOL :)

Matatapos na ko sa 2nd year. OLE! :)

March 13,2011

Sobrang pagod ako kahapon wala akong naienter sa post na to :)) Galing kaming Divisoria nila Grace, Micha at mga jowa nila LOL Nakakaasar pero di ako naiinggit  :)) Naaasar kasi ako 'pag sobrang sweet eh LOL

Nagenjoy naman ako sa Divisoria. I'm broke na nga eh :)) Umuwi ako mag-isa pinauna ko na kasi sila Grace :) Explore explore ako kahit di ko kabisado ang lugar. Kaya nga ako namulubi eh. Lahat ng gusto ko binili ko =)) Nakalimutan ko rin san yung tinuro nila Grace na sasakyan ko pauwi. Nilakad ko hanggang Doroteo Jose station! Ang balak ko pa nga Carriedo eh kung di lang sinabi ng guard :)) Pero masaya naman ang paglalakad ko :) Ang dami kong nakita. Halos naexplore ko yung unexplored streets ng Chinatown na 'di samen pinapasyalan ng Nanay ko. Naghihintay nga ako ng mga gangster eh para makakita ako ng live Kung Fu or Shaolin kaso wala LOL

Kanina ko lang din nalaman na maluwag saken ang dress. I mean maganda na siya gawing palda =)) Buti nalang to the rescue ang aking Nanay :)) Kasama ko rin pala ang family ko sa Wednesday papuntang PNU for the College of Arts and Social Sciences Recognition Day :) Nagulat ako ng konti na nakapasok ako sa Top 10 ng College at super thankful din kay God dahil inallow niyang mangyari 'to. Sa buong pamilya at angkan ko rin isama pa ang mga kaibigan ko dahil super support sila.

This is just the beginning :)