Things were tough for me for the past few days. Looks like this lion heart somehow felt weird. My feelings, patience and decisions were all tested. Nostalgic thoughts also linger much than I how I experienced before. However, I feel that this is just the start of everything. 

Last night, my Dad told me that I should consider myself sometimes. Studying should always be on our priority but taking a time off is also a must. I thought about it the whole night and once I made the decision, I already felt at peace.

EXAMS

I don't have any other life except from being a commoner and a student, so I have nothing to narrate but about my life in and out of school. Third year is a mega difficult year, just like in High School. Back in MaSci we call this year as the HELL YEAR. Either you'll be wounded but keep going or you quit and start anew, you choose.

A paper full of 7 :))

Honestly, I don't really mind about my exam scores as long as I can still land on the passing mark. However, receiving a "pasang awa" is such a painful sitch. I got my very first "pasang awa" in  our Philosophy first exam. Shet lang kasi palakol =)) I regret not studying whole heart-edly, I mean not memorizing the -ology stuffs :p I think it's better that I just fail that exam like what happened when I was in 2nd grade during the sequencing events exam. My Mom was really angry and tore my paper apart but I just cried then I eventually forgot about it after sometime. I think this will get better soon, after all 75 is higher than 70. I just hate being conscious about grades, it doesn't suit me well =))

NOT ALL GLITTERS ARE GOLD

Well, this clichẻ suits the sitch of our bulletin board. Somehow I'm beginning to get indulge into working and seems like my function as a Business Manager is already clear. Aside from paper works, I did submit into making a good sight of our department/organization through our bulletin board. Surprisingly, glitter packs are cool now in College equivalent to scented paper fad back in HS. The hard work of making these glitters design the letters and border of our bulletin. Not all glitters are gold, sometimes they are the cause of having sty in the eyes :/

REPORTING

Lately, the things I am required to report aren't that clear to me. I found myself spending hours at the library and going back to the traditional way of researching. I miss reading books and yet my schedule's too full for me to sit back and find a new book to read. I can still manage to survive in our every reporting. I just hope my luck will come every time I need it or else BOO the fun ^^

RESEARCH

If there's one thing that freaks me out it'll probably be our Psychological Research. Pag-iisip pa lang ng topic, sabaw na ako eh. Plus there's a lot of pressure on our group. Our prof happened to group the 4 of us (rank 1 - 4) leaving the others in a hetero style and I heard that he is expecting a lot from us :/

Our research title :3

When I entered at this department, I don't know what to write on the form when it was asking about the High School achievements. I'm not included at the Rank 10 or an academic awardee so I wrote nothing but my Oratorical & Story Telling Achievements, My Best Supporting Actress award at Noli Me Tangere Play Fest and my group's 9th place National award for Scientific Research. Now I'm being skeptic if the last award I wrote contributed pressure on our group. Suddenly, I wanna cross that out and erase it from the memory of everyone who saw it.

I'm quite nervous/worried thinking about what will happen like what if "I will not be able to contribute anything essential in our group? What will happen to me? Kick out?" I wish the Somatoform research will work out. Well I guess 'cause it's really my interest, probably because I experienced it :)

REUNION

Ken's baptismal and Andrei's 7th birthday somehow made our family reunion possible :) I can't believe that we're not really the kids anymore, you know those kids that these used to be teens a.k.a my cousins are throwing jokes at. Although not all of us are present, I could not ask for more. I wish these kids will grow up to be responsible and good people someday ^^

 

Our family's new babies: Sofia and Ken :)

Everyone's excited! :3

Happy 7th birthday Andrei!

ESSAY WRITING

Another contest again. Sometimes I'm really fed up to required essay writing contests. I'm a kind of person who loves writing and writes whenever I'm inspired. I'm not into uplifting institutions, I rather point out the pros and cons of everything. Well, this is another required write-up and I'm not expecting to win anything. I'm already satisfied that I was able to comply. I just miss writing. I wish I can finish writing my book in time :)

COLLEGE LEADERSHIP TRAINING

This is my first time to attend this leadership training provided by our College. I really did enjoy the day. I don't even want to go out and attend my 3pm class LOL! It's so happened that the seminar is about dreams and our relationship to other people. Suddenly, I wanna go back to being a kid. 

Back to the days when life is simple and I have my parents to depend on all the things. When freedom is limited and all I know is my basic needs. When the biggest problem is what game is best to play. When 10 pesos is big enough to buy me everything I want. When dreams are possible for me. When I pee on my bed during the nights I feel scared because of watching Oka Tokat. When bad things aren't that worse. When the people around me always say "you can do it." or "it's impossible." When the people I know are still alive and always present during our reunions. Those precious times I never thought will go by quickly.

At that point, I wonder how building my dreams affect the people around me. How much did I contribute to the society while I'm putting the biggest puzzle I have? 

As I wait for the facilitator to signal us for our early excuse, I was there sitting at the floor, thinking how will things be after I graduate College. I am hoping that whichever way I will go, I can help other people and find the inner child in me. The one with the innocence forever treasured. It's a long way to go and rocky road to prove that I am worth the wait- and I will be :)

UP OR DOWN?

Somehow, I'm confuse about where am I about my school concerns. Sometimes I wanna go down and see if I can still go up to check myself if I am improving. Sometimes I just wanna stay put and let these things happen. It's just that I feel weird. Are things just really turning out good for me or there's a trick happening around. I myself's not sure too :|

Where to go?

With this. I would like to end my post with an inspiring story I first read when I wan in my 2nd year College. Since I feel like I am experiencing the same thing as how the one character felt and sure that I am not the only who is undergoing the same situation.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her.  She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up.  She was tired of fighting and struggling.  It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen.  She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire.  Soon the pots came to boil.  In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans.  She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.  Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots.

She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee.  The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.  The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity - boiling water.  Each reacted differently.  The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting.  However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile.  Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however.  After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter.  "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"

Which am I?  Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength? 

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat?  Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?  Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean?  The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.  When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor.  If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.  When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?  How do you handle adversity? 

Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?