Dear Life

My 19th Birthday

2012-01-14T23:25:00.003+08:00

Well, it's not a happy birthday to me. But before I went through this, I just want to express my gratitude to Almighty God for adding another year to my life :) After this sentence, everything that happened on my 19th birthday will come down itemized ;)

Birthday party with my reviewers T.T

1. Almost forgot it

I don't know if this is the curse of a brown-out New Year that predicted my whole year will be dark. I had a good vacation, it's very stress-free but when school started, it's busier than how it used to be. My birthday is on a January 12th but I have to give tests for our research on a January 11th and prepare for a Quiz Bee held on a January 13th so how can I remember? If not for my twin sister, I'll probably forgot all about it.

2. No Text Messages

Normally during my birthday, I receive greetings from my friends (there's still no FB that time). But that day was nothing. However, I felt happy when Tita Sally sent me a bible verse. It's probably one of the things the kept me going until now.

3. TumTum Hurts

If there's one thing I hate about 7AM classes is my stomach's status. I eat a lot. Since it doesn't show in my body, I think I have a fast metabolism so this really worries me a lot. My birthday wasn't an exception. Probably, even my body forgot when I was born so it didn't gave me a gift of assurance that my tumtum will be stable. I almost got late at school.

4. Birthday Song

So someone announced my birthday in front of the class. My classmates sang a birthday song for me. It was the first time, as far as I can remember, that happened to me. I'm so embarrassed but thankful.

5. No Time To Hang Out

It should have been a day to treat my closest friends but sadly it didn't went that way. I just had a quick lunch with them because I still have a lot to review. Though I promised them we'll hang out this Monday. *crossed fingers*

6. Ditched The Last Subject

I made up my mind very early about this. I know that I have to do a lot of things and to review. I ditched my Philippine Literature class and went straight at home. I know that gave up something but I can't possibly do everything when 24 hours a day isn't enough. I'm not happy nor sad about it, no regrets actually.

7. Study Now, Party No More

I usually say Study now, Party Later but it changed due to the quiz bee preparations. We had a little party to celebrate our birthday. But I'm not in the mood to join it. My Mom even snapped a photo of me holding my cake while I'm wearing my pajamas. I checked out our guess wearing that too. I didn't ate much since I have no appetite. I didn't chat that much since I have nothing to share too. It ended on me landing on my bed and going back to the books.

8. No Internet Checks

I sacrificed the whole day though I'm tempted to go online. I told myself that I can't let this internet semi-addiction ruin my review. I successfully did that resulting to the most boring, tiring night ever. If I had only know that it will not worth it, I shouldn't have done that.

9. Tearful Night

I don't know what happened but I just found myself crying in silence on that night. Guess I'm sad and frustrated about what happened to a supposedly happy day. Seems like my friends forgot me just like how I forgot my self.

Well I think my birthday got an extension a.k.a January 13th a.k.a Friday the 13th. I think I already had a Paraskavedekatriaphobia because of what happened on this Friday.

10. Useless Review

We lose without much knowing. It went fast, we didn't even know how it ended. BTW, before that we almost got late. There has been a change in the venue and nothing was said to us. The questions are kinda hard, I regret reviewing.

11. FB Flood

I think I'll not post my birthday at FB anymore. I'm thankful that I received a lot birthday greeting there but I think the essence of sincerity isn't felt anymore. It's not that I'm asking them to visit me just to greet me. It's something else I know you already knew.

This is the worst birthday of my life I guess. Becoming older is becoming my greatest fear. Nice words from a pessimist of this day a.k.a ME.

STILL, thank you for the birthday greetings! :)

3 Years After

2011-12-19T17:26:00.000+08:00

After 3 years, I already got the chance to visit Ilocos Norte again :) My last visit was on a lonely December of 2008, when my Aunt died because of Diabetes. I'm back again there for her 3-year death anniversary and at the same time to reunite with my family ^^ It was a very short and very nice vacation. We're all there except for Tita Emma(+), Ate Sally (she must be at work) and Tito Boy (I'm very sure he's at work).

REACHING PAOAY

It's a new route for us. Since we're not coming from the South anymore, we didn't had the comfort to ride immediately. We traveled from North to South which is a very dizzy thing I had. It's very cold going to Ilocos Norte and not to mention a long travel. If there's one thing I want besides the vacation days, it's the day I spent traveling to reach my destination :)

THE PAOAY ESCAPADE

Although I've been to Paoay Church and Herencia de Paoay a lot of times, I still can't helped but be amaze on how these things can make my heart happy and myself home.

Paoay Church is where me and my twin sister were welcomed to the Christian world. It is one of the most visited spots in the country. In fact, a lot of tourists are there just to get a shot of this awesome church. It will always be dear to me no matter what. Silly as you may read the next words but I want to get married there. I want this church to be included in every start of my life chapters :)

Me infront of the Paoay Church

I don't know when did I knew Herencia de Paoay. I never counted the years it's been erected nor what happened before it was there. All I know is that it serves as a landmark for us when we meet or when we have to locate the point zero of our destinations :p And I must not forget the home of the delicious ice cream! :3

Herencia de Paoay

BUMMER LIFE

Sometimes boredom occurs to me. So when a person is bored, she has to find a way to shake it off (right? :]]) What I did was to read Digital Fortress, watch Praybeyt Benjamin with my cousins and play PC games with them.

You can never guess how much we laughed while watching this. It's not like the story of "Beautiful Boxer" who went into that profession to save for his transgender needs. It's a story that really encompasses the Filipino value of giving importance to the family even if it needs to sacrifice one's interest. It's one of the few comedy films that makes us think twice on how we treat other people's imperfections. Thumbs up for good punch lines and lessons learned! ;)

I haven't finished this book yet but I still have the motivation to finish it. It's a really good book, I can say that up to until what page I am reading at. I'm not really fond of Dan Brown. I haven't read Angels and Demons as well as his other books. I'm not also into techno books. However, this book made me think twice. Maybe after this I can check out Dan Brown's other books :)

I can't recall how I look when I first played this game. This is a really addicting game (a reminder for someone who hasn't played this yet). Just like me, my cousins became addicted to this as well. We sometimes spent the whole afternoon playing this game or maybe until our grandparents scold us for playing that much :p On the other hand, I still prefer how we were when I was younger. There weren't laptops then and PC is really not much to think about. We were scolded then not because we're not moving. It is because we're constantly running, leaping and jumping, tiring ourselves playing some outdoor games. I just miss playing Patintero and Tayatayaan. When the yard is still the playground and not the 4 corners of my laptop :)

FAMILY REUNION

Dream come true! :) Finally, after so many years that gone by, we were able to have an almost complete family picture. It's really nice to see a picture of almost all the grandchildren with our parents and grandparents. It's a real loud house when we were all there but it's worth it :) Some of us really changed, our ideals and our preferences. Some of us have their own families already, some are working, the 3 of us are on the waiting line for the College graduation and the remaining 3 will be finishing their basic education in a few years. I don't know if it's true but I think my grandparents are really happy to see us all together ^^

This is all of us minus Ate Sally

We were all puzzled about this picture actually. It's really blurred and there's an orb at the center. We would like to believe that it is our deceased Aunt who still wants to be remembered :)

With our grandparents

If you count every one of us, we're just a dozen. Although Aldrin isn't there at the picture 'cause he's already at the backyard drinking Maria Clara =))

With our cousins' children

When I become old, I also want a picture with my "apo sa tuhod." It's a real long life, eh ;)

With the children

These are the children, in short our parents. Sad thing, the youngest of them, Tito Boy isn't there. The 2 kids at the middle are the youngest of all the grandchildren. They really resemble their Dads!

Family picture with our grandparents

It's been a dream of mine to have something like this. I thought this only happens during weddings and funerals. I guess I'm wrong :)

STAGE COUSIN

Since elementary and high school students don't have the same vacation dates like ours, College students, my cousins are still juggling this family reunion and their school stuffs :) I was able to attend my cousin Wiswis' foundation day. She participated on the opening as a member of the percussion group. Actually, I'm very proud of these kids. They are achieving more than us and they are very humble :) I'm glad that this cousin of mine's studying on a Science high school and going into her interest too! ^^

I had fun shooting her performance ^^ Good work Louise! :)

These two are bright as well! They're the youngest but they're dedicated to their studies :) They still have a big potential to b athletes, too. I'm not sporty but I know when a kid id great at sports or not. It's a secret we adult know ;) Go cousins! ^^

DOCTOR IN THE FUTURE

While I was there, I finally made up my mind what to do in my life after College. I decided to be a Pediatrician. I considered this profession when me and Pia met to eat and chat after our classes. Then when I was at Ilocos, something made me venture into the world of medicine.

My grandma's sick. She has a dry cough and her medicine has to be monitored. I took charge of giving her meds at 4:30AM, 10AM, 4:30PM, 10PM and so on. I wasn't the one who is very easy to wake up by an alarm clock. I was also surprised that I was able to. That time I felt responsible. Although it seems that I should be the one to be taken care of ('cause I'm a weakling), I think my dedication can get me there alive.

As of now, I'm really praying that this plan will be granted in the future :)

LEAVING PAOAY

It's a short vacation after all. I'm still not sure when will I be able to come back. But surely, I won't be sick of going back ^^

Boring Busy Days

2011-11-23T15:00:00.000+08:00

It's been that long since I updated ha? Well, the first month of this semester already done. I found myself trapped in the middle of boring and busy days. Boring because things seem so easy to do and busy because they're really hard to accomplish. I don't know if this is how College should be. I'm kinda skeptical to my world by this time. But oh well, here goes a heap of updates about what happened to the first days of my 2nd semester.

MULTIPLE INTELLIGENCES INFINITY

My sweetest breakdown. For the remaining months of my term, I want to do as better as possible. However, things aren't that nice when you have to face reality. In my fantasy, I saw this celebration a very successful one. When I came to face it, it's the exact opposite.

Opening of the MI Celebration

No class excuses, no cheers whatsoever, no free day, no real fun. It's a complete run of events that we don't even know how we concluded. It hurts because we're so excited to announce it to everyone that it'll be the best they can see. But then what? Full of reschedules events, lazy co-workers, uncooperative classmates and the hard core truth "barbie" people.

Yes, that Jaime Licauco! :)

Although our event is full of black holes even to begin with, I'm kinda happy that we were able to close it peacefully. Despite everything that happened, I don't want to think about anything anymore. What's done is done.

PsychSoc Officers ON cam ;)

THE -BER SITCH

Say hello to my daily dose of relief ^^

This semester was the golden time if my yearly health concerns. This year isn't excused. I had a severe attack of Rhinitis that caused my head to ache migraine level and my body to weaken. Good thing Asthma didn't follow. The downfall? I missed a Saturday at our school event and I felt really week. At the same time the medicines should always be taken for the inflammation not to worsen. I'm doubting myself by now. Why am I in a course associated with medicine if I'm not healthy? Well, let's ask Mom :p

NOT THE SAME OLD FEELING

So my Mom decided to move me into another room. It's faced outside so that the sun can enter our room. It must have been a good decision only if my wake up time is after sunset but it is not. I have to wake up 4:30 in the morning and to travel at 5:30 AM to catch my first period which is 7AM. I find it hard to do it.

During the semestral break, our new house serves as a resting area of my bummer life but now I feel stress inside it. I don't know why but I feel the want of going back to Villamor and do my thing at my old room. In addition to that, I feel that I have no personal space. My things are still not on the places I want them to be. Especially my books and High School stuffs. More than that, My Mom and my twin sister are very eager to throw my things to make room for theirs. Well, hello! I only brought a few things with me. They're the most important ones in my life. That's what I want to say to them but as usual, I can't. Let's say, it's because of my respect to them.

My bummer life at my old room at Villamor

My bummer life here at Valenzuela

That's why I feel very excited to go to the province quickly. It feels more like a home. Maybe I just experienced the case of new home adjustment late. I wish it'll be gone soon.

SCHOOL EEKS

This is not burn out, I tell you. I'm sure if there is Senioritis there is a thing called Junioritis. I would like to believe that it is still applicable to College although it was my High School classmates who made that thing :p Anyways, it feels draggy to go to school and finish the whole day there. Because of this feeling, I usually end up playing Tetris Battle at night instead of doing my school works.

I don't know what happened. Usually, I love the 2nd semester because it's so short and there are a lot of holidays. I still love this semester, only lesser :p That's why I can't share anything about school except my exams marks that luckily reached the passing grade. On the second thought, I don't mind them anymore. They'll all be forgotten :p

TO FOLLOW

I have a lot to update however I want to include it in my 2011 review HAHAHA! I missed a lot here at my blog that I plan to give back :) Kindly anticipate or click the close button ;)

SEMESTRAL BREAK

2011-11-02T15:10:00.002+08:00

Truth to be told, nothing really big happened to my semestral break aside from moving into a different house. Well, I don't know if this is normal but I kinda miss going to school and I'm excited for tomorrow's class HAHAHA! *please no bad teachers!*

1 WEEK EXTENSION
Our 1st semester is supposed to end last 15th however a lot of things still need to be accomplished beyond the required time. So I was at school the whole week after the original sem break date. Not just that! We are to go earlier at school than our normal school days. Like 7AM then going home so late. Because of our Research stuffs, we also have to wake up at 2AM to finish our requirement. My friend said that it's like Jungle Fish 2 but what the heck? There's no rainbow without rain :)

PSYCHSOC
I guess this part is where the rants will go. Please don't misunderstand. I love the work and the people I am getting to know at our org. However, it seems that my dislike level is on the same bar. The partition of the work goes well when said but it is barely followed. We are always told that we should come at this time, bla bla but all of a sudden it'll be delayed in the next Jurassic Years, the worst will be rescheduled. Another one is that we have little consideration about things, it's always on the convenience of some people but not the majority. I don't want to complain much but I know that I am giving my all in terms of work. It doesn't just seem fair

LEAVING THE HOMETOWN

And this is where the drama goes. Actually, there were a lot of emotions before I left our house and my dear hometown. It's like looking at the old days when the house is still empty and there were no other fascinating things like computer games, psp, etc. A simple home where I grew up, an abiotic witness of my good and heartbreaking times. I left a lot of things at our house even my bed :) I guess my nieces will take good care of the things I left. As I moved into the new city, I wasn't that very sad. Somehow, I am very glad to start over again

Our previous house :)

Our new house :)

They said that when you grow old, you'll find yourself going back to your hometown. I guess it'll be true. I still think I'm welcome there always :)\

PLUS!
A surprise! Chopped my hair for good :) Ja Jan!

Soon Over

2011-10-22T20:23:00.000+08:00

This is my last post at this blog as a residence of Villamor Air Base, Pasay City, for this coming Wednesday we'll be moving at Valenzuela City for good. And now the memories keep rushing back :) I am kinda teary-eyed because I never experienced moving houses before. Me and my twin sis were just a year old when our family moved here at our humble home so I wasn't aware of these sad feelings.

Seeing our home almost empty now, I feel empty too. It's like going back to the old days when we're just beginning and everything's new with this home. It has been 17 years already and I'm not really informed that our 18th Birthday is my last birthday here. Well, if I knew it earlier, what could have I done? Still a few days before we leave, yet I was so busy at school and didn't stay much here at home. What a waste.

I hope you can forgive all my dramas here, for this house is really so dear to me. It's like a witness to everything I've achieved and failed to do in my whole life. It didn't responded yet it provided warmth.

My heart is heavy leaving this house. Actually, I never want to leave this home. I haven't stayed a day at our new house, yet I begin to feel home sick already.

Still, I want to take the words of my Dad- "everything has to change." I know that it'll be alright soon. It'll be better.

Picking Up The Pieces

2011-10-09T19:41:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry for my rants and pessimistic post last time. I really felt so sad and helpless that time. Somehow, I was able to get back to track and juggle my emotions well. Maybe I'm just really stressed out. At least this post will be a brighter one :) I am very glad to share to you about the latest things that happened to me though they're not that many to share :) Aside from that, not everything here will be a fairy dust :)

SEMINARS

These past few weeks, I've been bombarded with seminars.Somehow, I am very lucky to be sent to different schools and attend seminars about a lot of things. Sometimes I really feel sad and worried that I'll be excused to class every time these things happen. I was able to attend seminars at Adamson University and University of Makati last August, Emilio Aguinaldo College and Colegio de San Juan de Letran last September. It is fun to meet new people and have this sharing of ideas. I just want to enjoy the privilege while they are still there because probably next year, it'll either decrease or none at all.

SEPTEMBER 15

It's a bittersweet day. I was at the Far Eastern University for the I am Rizal Quiz Bee. I remember my younger days when I am joining a lot of contests. From academic to performance contests. However, it kinda scares me to join more of these when I'm growing up. It seems that luck isn't really on my mind. The scenario either I win the runner up or being cheated. I don't know why do the contests' officials have to tell me that I'm cheated. It's not that I'll fight for that medal and prize that's already awarded to the other student. On these I am Rizal Quiz Bee, luckily me and my group mates won the 2nd place :) Somehow, I got that confidence again ^^

Medal and Cash prize! :)

Somehow, I was able to regain that faith in myself :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOTHER!

September 21st is my Mom's 51st birthday ^^ It's quite interesting that she still looks young and somehow didn't change much since the time I first saw her LOL Well I got this pretty birthday cake of hers ^^ I think I'm old now, I'm really giving gifts now?! :))

Mom's holding my gift ^^

Happy Birthday to the best Mom in the whole wide world! :)

GOODBYE OLDER BROTHER

Now, every time I look at our garage, it's kinda brighter yet feels so empty. Our tricycle (his name is Kawasaki) who's been my Dad's best friend since the 90's is already sold. As part of our preparation to move into another city, we have to leave some things behind. Sadly, some of these also have our memories. I feel like Kawasaki is like my Older Brother. When I was a child, I'm really clumsy and naughty. There are times that I come home from school and nobody's home then I'll soon realized that I left my key inside the house. For the hours that I'm outside our humble home, I get inside Kawasaki and sleep. He's like an extension of our home.

He has been with us since we're young :(

I don't know if I'll be used of him being away from us. It is just that I'm not really good with good byes :(

HAPPY PEACE DAY!

The same day as my Mom's birthday is the International Day of Peace! It is my first time to attend the celebration in my whole life. It's really a peaceful day ^^ No, it's not because it's very quiet at the venue but because everyone was given a chance to share their own version of peace. It started with a prayer wherein all religion had the chance to give their own prayers. Then to other activities wherein even other nationalities participated.

Going at QC Circle ^^

Me posing at the Peace Wall :)

Group Picture! :)

Actually, this day was just a requirement in our Sociology class however I enjoyed it so much that if ever if it's not the same day as Mom's birthday then I will stay for the whole day :)

I MISS YOU ALMA MATER

Last Friday is MaSci's Foundation Day. It has been 3 years since I graduated but I was only able to join the FD when I was in 1st year. The date's always in conflict with our exam week and I feel quite sad about it. I can't even drop by there to visit my Juniors and teachers. I'm contented to look back at my alma mater when I am riding the LRT everyday but soon I will no longer catch a glimpse of it since we'll be moving to another city already. I really miss my alma mater. I miss my High School days.

HALF OF THE HELL YEAR

is almost over! Gosh! This has been the busiest semester that happened in my whole College life. The most depressing, the most controversial and everything. Somehow I got the taste of a real College life. I love it. However, I am still looking forward to the academic challenges, not just a so - so. I do not know how will this semester will turn out, I'm just hoping that I can finish my studies just like how my parents visualize it ^^

Rainy days on this -ber months. I just hope that Christmas won't be that rainy. Maybe the next time I'll update this blog, I won't be at Villamor anymore. Ha. Days of melancholy keep on repeating. Before I say good bye, I want to present my acapella covers. Please enjoy ^^

And life goes on :)

Today, I Planned On Committing Suicide

2011-09-06T22:53:00.000+08:00

Today I arrived home late because we had a class at Sociology. We had a fun activity but I felt guilty for all the things I've said and done. I don't mean to hurt anyone. I'm sorry for being impulsive.

 I'm supposed to change my slippers so I asked Ate where is it. She said, "hanapin mo, andiyan lang yun." I replied that the house is too big and if she'll not specify where it is, I would finish looking for it by tomorrow. I found it at the shoe rack and it's kinda dusty then I heard a lot of things from my mother. She said use the other one, it's dirty, bla bla bla. I returned it to the place where I found it, I went inside the house and she said - "ang arte mo." It kinda sucks. Like my opinions don't matter anymore. Yesterday, I was kinda lecturing Ate for not fixing her netbook out of the computer table. I mean, it has been a habit that she's expecting me to fix it for her. I was kinda busy that time so my words really spilled. Then mother said that "kaya namang tanggalin bat ang dami pang salita?" I'm kinda puzzled. It's because when my things aren't in their right places, she calls my attention immediately but for Ate, it's always understood. Not because I don't have a say about this often, it's considered okay. No it's not. There are things that do not seem tolerable anymore. On the cleaning chores as well, mother usually lectures me about how the room's so dusty / dirty then when will I clean? bla bla bla but when I opened once about when did Ate last cleaned the salas, she just replied "baka madami kasi siyang ginagawa." Then what am I here? I'm doing a lot of things. My organizer's about to double its width because of my hectic schedule and yet I was able to address to their needs. And what will I get? Everytime I try to voice out my opinion, I'm always labeled as "maarte." It hurts my feelings that I don't seem to matter anymore. One time, my mother said "ganon talaga. sa mga anak mo, meron talagang ayaw mo kahit anong gawin mo." Maybe I'm the kid she's referring to. I am very much aware that between the two of us, I'm the disappointment. I'm the one who did nasty things before and humiliated them. And I know there are times that they do not believe in me anymore.  I know that they are ready to give up on me anytime. 

I lost my appetite and just ate with a heavy heart. I was washing the dishes when I saw the knife. It isn't a brief moment when I stare at the knife. I pulled it out, stared at it, touched it. Inside my head, there's a voice saying that when I cut or stab myself, it all ends. It should be now because I still do not have a lot of achievements that can hold me back. It'll be just minutes of pain then I can not feel the stress, the pain, the agony. They will soon recover if ever I die. My lies will be buried with me. I just have to face the after life alone. It'll be just minutes then probably no more pain. I put the knife back to its place yet my eyes still look at the its way. I closed my eyes and washed my face. I'm crying yet I did not feel my tears, the water carried it somewhere. Now I do not know if I did the right thing. 

This isn't a case of Lypophrenia anymore. There's a reason all along,  it's just that it's easier to deny things rather than admitting there's  something wrong about myself.

I'm a very bad person. I assumed that everyone loves me but I do not know who do and who did anymore. Please forgive me. I'm really sorry.

THIS POST IS MADE FROM DEPRESSION

2011-09-03T11:54:00.000+08:00

" DEPRESSION IS SUCH A CRUEL PUNISHMENT. THERE ARE NO FEVERS, NO RASHES, NO BLOOD TESTS TO SEND PEOPLE SCURRYING IN CONCERN, JUST THE SLOW EROSION OF SELF, AS INSIDIOUS AS CANCER. AND LIKE CANCER, IT IS ESSENTIALLY A SOLITARY EXPERIENCE; A ROOM IN HELL WITH ONLY YOUR NAME ON THE DOOR. "

The Evil August

WHO WILL BE WILLING TO UNDERSTAND?

Lately, I feel that I don't know what has been happening between me and my family. I'm quite busy at school not just for a week, a month, maybe until this school year ends. And it's quite disappointing that my family doesn't seem to understand what I am going through. Yes, I am a Psychology major but that doesn't exempt me from feeling sad and short-fused every time they tell me that "Baka 'di ka napasok ng school, bat di mo alam na University Week ngayon?" and so on and so forth. Plus my sister. She always say that I'm selfish. It is because I hoard my foods at my cabinet. Yes I do hoard them and I want to taste them first before her. I bought it with my own money. Is it really my obligation to give everything I have?

I don't really narrate what's happening with me anymore to them. Like every night, when I got home from school, my father would be like "how's school?" then I'll just say "fine." "discussions." "tests" My achievements seem over-rated already that they don't want to hear them anymore, the reason why I just want to keep my mouth shut.

Plus, I really feel that it isn't fair anymore. They would love to hear how Ate excels or improves at her course. Even my relatives. One of them mentioned before that my course is really an easy one. Seriously? I don't even know how to deal with myself anymore, how does it sound easy?

My mother understands that Ate can't attend to her chores because she's busy but I'm scolded before because I wasn't able to clean our room. When in fact I can not remember the last time ate cleaned her assigned area. And that I'm the uglier, the stupid, the evil. Anyhow, they always want me to give my best yet they can't recognize it the way I want it to be.

FLIP OF EVENTS

Before, I was the one leading in a lot of things. I was the one guiding the process and giving the last touch. It isn't the same anymore. I now know how it feels when you put a lot of effort in what you're doing then in the end it'll get circled and erased. What goes around, comes around.

CYBER DILEMMAS

Social Networking Etiquette

I admit! There are times that I forget some things here. However, the bottom line of THIS is simply respect. At twitter (where I'm always online), I read a lot of people's tweets pertaining to someone or a group of people. Sometimes these tweets are so sarcastic, napapa-iling na lang ako. Yung totoo bakit yung mga taong galit sa "jejemon," sa "corny," etc. ay grabe kung makapag-generalized? Pero kapag kayo ang nag-feefeeling okay lang? I've learned a lot from the past. In fact, I did a real bad thing na in-denial pa rin ako kung minsan. Masaya lang naman 'pag hindi ikaw yung nasa position ng nanlalait eh pero 'pag nahuli naman sobrang nakakakonsensya yung guilt, moreover, sobrang nakakahiya.

Taga MaSci Ka Kung...

I found this group while browsing my friend's tweets. Nakakatawa talaga, brings back all the memories. Na-carried away nga ko eh. Until I saw one of the former teacher's post at FB. He said that some posts aren't appropriate and hurt their feelings as teachers.

I still remember the days during my Junior High School. Those days that I often absent myself, those days when I contact my Mom like every once a week to fetch me because I feel sick. Those days that I really admit is just a way to escape from some of my teachers. The teacher who thought I'm the most stupid girl who can not get the vectors lesson easily and the teacher who made me cry in front of a student observer, I laughed an evil laugh inside of me when I discovered that there are a lot of people against them in our "Taga MaSci Ka Kung..." group.

I realized, I already gave them back what they deserve even before the High School ended. Through my words and continuous hate, I already gave them enough. In fact when I reached College, I have this urge to thank them. If not for their evil words, I will not get 90+ grades for Physics and Humanities. They deserve more than hate. That's why at that time, I decided to delete the comments that seem so offending. Not because I fear about the consequences but because I thank them big time :)

Sana yung mga mukang ewan pa rin ang posts sa group eh mahabag na. Happy memories dapat :)

Who Understands, Ridicules

Read a controversial article linked by a friend. Mas nainis pa ko sa comments kesa magreact ako ng big time sa article. Honestly, di ko rin nagets noong una hanggang sa naisip ko yung "satire" at nabasa yung ibang comments. The people are so rude to those who weren't able to understand the article, saying that it's a good research to test the Filipinos' comprehension of the English language. Well, I just want to say that not every one who can access the web is aware of what you want to express. Kahit naman minsan direct to the point ang mga sinasabi natin may mga 'di pa rin nakakagets ng point naten diba? I mean seriously, can you get other people's ideas easily? always? Don't you have those moments when you suddenly pause then utter "ha?" And to think those people who ridicule these "Filipinos" are also Filipinos. I'm not perfect, just saying. If you really want the others to understand what you mean, you can tell them nicely. And by the way they react on the article clearly means that you're both on the same side. The article is the opposite of what's written, the comments are opposing the "written" article. So what's with the fuzz?

HOW COME CHILDHOOD ENDED THAT WAY?
Whenever I see myself, I can still feel the energy of a child. Those were the days when we don't care about how we look and what others think of us. On our minds we're just playing.

One day, I heard a very shocking news that woke me up in a reality that we're not playing anymore. Now, it deals with the real bites - a baby. Usually, it excites me when our clan is expecting a baby. I'm kinda excited with this one too but moreover worried. This cousin of mine, who is the same age as I, whom I considered as our sibling (so we're more like triplets :]) is 5 months pregnant. I can not utter a word when I heard about it. I already guessed how our other relatives will react and I'm right. As days gone by, I finally accepted what happened. At this point, we should have been helping and supporting her rather than blaming her for what happened. That is what I've learned while I'm growing up - Acceptance.

Because of this big twist of events, I got inspired on writing my Philosophy paper about teenage pregnancy (but I will not be able to share it because it contains less than 1500 words :|) It may seem as an irreversible mistake however, I would still like to consider that it is a blessing in disguise.

-BER MONTH
I'm sorry that I wasn't able to bring up a positive atmosphere here at my latest post. And the only pictures you see on my latest updates are my monthly calendars, I do not seem interested to take nice pictures. September already started, so I wish I can bounce back again :) However, please enjoy a few pictures of some little happy moments I have and my cover of Lea Salonga's On My Own.

JUST CLICK ON THEM TO SEE IT CLEARLY :)

IT HAS BEEN LONG SINCE I RECORDED THIS :)

DO NOT ENTER THE ROOM OF DEPRESSION. HAPPY LIVING! :)

2011-08-03T17:00:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday, I had a time off again from the stress of my roller coaster life. No, this is not about a movie or drama marathon I had or any food trip again. It's not a date with myself again :p This time I had a date with my Senior High School friends a.k.a Lawrence - my siblings by heart :)

Kailan kaya kami makukumpleto ulit?

I felt that we celebrated our birthdays altogether, not just Pia's :) Although I stayed late and time seems not enough for us to catch up with each other, I had fun. Wala pa ring kupas ang Law :)

I just miss those times when these people are always there. Though, I see them everyday, I miss them every time we go home and I don't have anything to do but go online and have this happy hour at y!m or plurk 8D Those were the days when I thought I already understood how this world works.

***

Until, I went to College. Whenever I have to respond on the question "Where did you finished your High School?", I am tongue tied. Whenever I say my school's name, people always think that we're just a bunch of nerds, grade conscious kids who always have their noses at their books. And whenever I do, I want to snap the reality thread and make them forget what they heard. But instead, I just sink at my seat while I hear them whisper.

***

That's why I always want to be with Lawrence. With them, I don't always have to prove myself in order for them to see my worth. And even with our Mama (adviser). Even if I'm just an ordinary student back then- pretenses, make-up and all those face fakes aren't necessary. Just a simple me not as a second best but a playful friend :)

A Carrot, An Egg or A Coffee Bean?

2011-07-24T17:07:00.001+08:00

Things were tough for me for the past few days. Looks like this lion heart somehow felt weird. My feelings, patience and decisions were all tested. Nostalgic thoughts also linger much than I how I experienced before. However, I feel that this is just the start of everything.

Last night, my Dad told me that I should consider myself sometimes. Studying should always be on our priority but taking a time off is also a must. I thought about it the whole night and once I made the decision, I already felt at peace.

EXAMS

I don't have any other life except from being a commoner and a student, so I have nothing to narrate but about my life in and out of school. Third year is a mega difficult year, just like in High School. Back in MaSci we call this year as the HELL YEAR. Either you'll be wounded but keep going or you quit and start anew, you choose.

A paper full of 7 :))

Honestly, I don't really mind about my exam scores as long as I can still land on the passing mark. However, receiving a "pasang awa" is such a painful sitch. I got my very first "pasang awa" in our Philosophy first exam. Shet lang kasi palakol =)) I regret not studying whole heart-edly, I mean not memorizing the -ology stuffs :p I think it's better that I just fail that exam like what happened when I was in 2nd grade during the sequencing events exam. My Mom was really angry and tore my paper apart but I just cried then I eventually forgot about it after sometime. I think this will get better soon, after all 75 is higher than 70. I just hate being conscious about grades, it doesn't suit me well =))

NOT ALL GLITTERS ARE GOLD

Well, this clichẻ suits the sitch of our bulletin board. Somehow I'm beginning to get indulge into working and seems like my function as a Business Manager is already clear. Aside from paper works, I did submit into making a good sight of our department/organization through our bulletin board. Surprisingly, glitter packs are cool now in College equivalent to scented paper fad back in HS. The hard work of making these glitters design the letters and border of our bulletin. Not all glitters are gold, sometimes they are the cause of having sty in the eyes :/

REPORTING

Lately, the things I am required to report aren't that clear to me. I found myself spending hours at the library and going back to the traditional way of researching. I miss reading books and yet my schedule's too full for me to sit back and find a new book to read. I can still manage to survive in our every reporting. I just hope my luck will come every time I need it or else BOO the fun ^^

RESEARCH

If there's one thing that freaks me out it'll probably be our Psychological Research. Pag-iisip pa lang ng topic, sabaw na ako eh. Plus there's a lot of pressure on our group. Our prof happened to group the 4 of us (rank 1 - 4) leaving the others in a hetero style and I heard that he is expecting a lot from us :/

Our research title :3

When I entered at this department, I don't know what to write on the form when it was asking about the High School achievements. I'm not included at the Rank 10 or an academic awardee so I wrote nothing but my Oratorical & Story Telling Achievements, My Best Supporting Actress award at Noli Me Tangere Play Fest and my group's 9th place National award for Scientific Research. Now I'm being skeptic if the last award I wrote contributed pressure on our group. Suddenly, I wanna cross that out and erase it from the memory of everyone who saw it.

I'm quite nervous/worried thinking about what will happen like what if "I will not be able to contribute anything essential in our group? What will happen to me? Kick out?" I wish the Somatoform research will work out. Well I guess 'cause it's really my interest, probably because I experienced it :)

REUNION

Ken's baptismal and Andrei's 7th birthday somehow made our family reunion possible :) I can't believe that we're not really the kids anymore, you know those kids that these used to be teens a.k.a my cousins are throwing jokes at. Although not all of us are present, I could not ask for more. I wish these kids will grow up to be responsible and good people someday ^^

Our family's new babies: Sofia and Ken :)

Everyone's excited! :3

Happy 7th birthday Andrei!

ESSAY WRITING

Another contest again. Sometimes I'm really fed up to required essay writing contests. I'm a kind of person who loves writing and writes whenever I'm inspired. I'm not into uplifting institutions, I rather point out the pros and cons of everything. Well, this is another required write-up and I'm not expecting to win anything. I'm already satisfied that I was able to comply. I just miss writing. I wish I can finish writing my book in time :)

COLLEGE LEADERSHIP TRAINING

This is my first time to attend this leadership training provided by our College. I really did enjoy the day. I don't even want to go out and attend my 3pm class LOL! It's so happened that the seminar is about dreams and our relationship to other people. Suddenly, I wanna go back to being a kid.

Back to the days when life is simple and I have my parents to depend on all the things. When freedom is limited and all I know is my basic needs. When the biggest problem is what game is best to play. When 10 pesos is big enough to buy me everything I want. When dreams are possible for me. When I pee on my bed during the nights I feel scared because of watching Oka Tokat. When bad things aren't that worse. When the people around me always say "you can do it." or "it's impossible." When the people I know are still alive and always present during our reunions. Those precious times I never thought will go by quickly.

At that point, I wonder how building my dreams affect the people around me. How much did I contribute to the society while I'm putting the biggest puzzle I have?

As I wait for the facilitator to signal us for our early excuse, I was there sitting at the floor, thinking how will things be after I graduate College. I am hoping that whichever way I will go, I can help other people and find the inner child in me. The one with the innocence forever treasured. It's a long way to go and rocky road to prove that I am worth the wait- and I will be :)

UP OR DOWN?

Somehow, I'm confuse about where am I about my school concerns. Sometimes I wanna go down and see if I can still go up to check myself if I am improving. Sometimes I just wanna stay put and let these things happen. It's just that I feel weird. Are things just really turning out good for me or there's a trick happening around. I myself's not sure too :|

Where to go?

With this. I would like to end my post with an inspiring story I first read when I wan in my 2nd year College. Since I feel like I am experiencing the same thing as how the one character felt and sure that I am not the only who is undergoing the same situation.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what you see?"
"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots.

She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity - boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"

Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity?

Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

To everyone, never falter! Keep going! :)

World War What?

2011-07-08T22:39:00.001+08:00

Just like High School, the third year of my College life is also a hell year. Efffff! These things make me want to graduate immediately. Sheez. I haven't reach my Senior year but I can smell Senior-itis crawling now HAHAHA! Kidding aside, a lot of things happened during the span of my idle moments here though I don't think I can remember and post everything. I will just give my best on updating this little blog of mine about what happened during my World War Series 8D

LONG WEEKEND

Thank God really for giving such a blessing after an end-of-the-world like day HAHAHA! Like most of the students, I am very happy when classes are suspended. I guess this is really the joy of school. Just like what Bob Ong said:

Mag-aral maigi. Kung titigil ka sa pag-aaral, manghihinayang ka pagtanda mo dahil hindi mo naranasan ang kakaibang ligayang dulot ng mga araw na walang pasok o suspendido ang klase o absent ang teacher.

Though a lot of adults are lecturing us about this issue. Well, let us all cheer up :) Mararanasan din nating magsermon tungkol sa mga bagay bagay na yan 'pag nagka-edad na tayo. Weather weather lang yan 8D

GENERAL ASSEMBLY

I've been in the Psychological Society for some months now. And this assembly serves as our first project as the new set of officers for this Academic Year. It's really tiring to go everywhere and get things done. It gave me scares when things don't go as they are planned and when the date is move and move and move and move ... (100 times :p)

It has been a difficult challenge that we successfully finished. Although it isn't the best assembly that happened in the history of where ever we are, we achieved changes that can mark the start of a promising future (or maybe not 8D)

I AM A BULLY

Totoo pala talaga na kapag 'di nakarating sayo ang balita, ikaw ang pinaguusapan.

Once upon a rainy afternoon after a nice coffee with my friends, someone delivered a bad news to me. My informer said that my Junior(s) told our adviser that I labeled them as "bitches" and I am bullying them. Of course that thing bothered me, more over, pissed me. Since my blog is my official cyber outlet of emotions and statements, I'll just tell everything here.

1. Labeling you guys as bitches. No I didn't. I was informed that it happened at the LRT on our way home so there isn't any way that me and my friends are serious. I know it's bad to say the B word but it has become my expression since I was in my Sophomore year days. And it's not labeling.

2. Offending someone for "comparing" him to other people. This a case of a mistaken identity but if ever I got the right person I don't think I did something super bad. First, I didn't compare. "Comparing" is different from "identifying through features". I may use the same keyword but the concept is not the same. And if ever a "comparing" is done I don't think that this should be taken heavily. What is with this person that you dislike to be "compared" at? Isn't that an insult too?

3. I am bullying you / Inaaway ko kayo. This is super. At first I am in my deep thoughts of recalling PERO hindi ko talaga matandaan na may binigwasan ako na kahit isa sa inyo. I know I really look stern but I don't pick fights, it doesn't do me any good.

I talked to the superior of this bunch and told me that they didn't told these things to our adviser but basically I know this came from the same class.So for the person who told these and injected hyperbole, thank you! This will get you to places. I hope next time you will confirm things first before getting out of hand. Keeping our names clean is a big responsibility and just because you heard doesn't mean you know.

If I'll be asked, I don't consider this issue as a close one. However, I don't want to make a mountain out of a molehill anymore. Let my statement below finish this:

To my Juniors,

It has been a shocking, chaotic start. I don't think we can have fresh restart anymore. We will always have our ids slipping every time we see each other. I want to apologize for offending you with the words I said. Let this be an alarm for both of us that the world is not a paradise to stay at, we will always meet a guide, an angel in disguise and wicked people along the way.

I understand how you feel and at one point of our lives we also felt the same. However when we reached this stage, we realized that these things are best explained by experiences, maturing and Psychology. Although you felt that I persecuted/abused/bullied you, please don't take the concept of Seniority and respect away. Some of you might be older than me (or us) but I (we) am (are) still your Senior(s). Things are made that way but time will come that you can call yourselves the same as well.

If you can't really forgive me in any chances, let's just make things as civil as possible. Let's call this thing OVER :)

THE SICKLY ME
Just this week I am back to my sickly self. My Rhinitis badly attacked on a rainy Monday followed by my asthma T.T I think stress really makes things worse and the cold weather. I just miss Summer >.<

Done updating. I am hoping hard that there are still enough time for me to update once in a while :) But I hope no more statements anymore 8D

Better At Night

2011-06-24T00:42:00.001+08:00

Today is one of the most unforgettable stormy day ever. After Milenyo, Frank and Ondoy (Ketsana), Falcon joins the team. This is the first time in my College life that I went home wet and chilly because of the heavy rains and strong winds. Crossing the flooded streets is the highlight of this day. Good thing, I have my friends with me. We joined each other as we crossed the flooded road of Taft Avenue. I can still remember the evil laughs, the slips of cursing and the loud screams of never ending "yuck!" "eew!" "ayoko na!" and most of all the award winning "may ipis!" with matching tantrums 8D

As we separated our ways, with the 3 of us (Me, Beng and Michael) headed to the South via LRT train, I recalled the wild memories of this unexpected strong storm. The 3 of us are chilling inside the LRT, we can't even sit because of uniforms are very wet, rain water even rushed down our legs. When the 3 of us headed our way to our own home, we also went through a lot. Almost all of us said "I thought I will be sleeping on the streets."

When I arrived at our village, I have to walk through the main gate because the Manong driver said he can't go inside since the area is already flooded. When I got there I saw that it wasn't and what surprised me is that there is no tricycle for me to ride home. I walked desperately trying to find a way to go home. Well I can but my feet were already aching because I'm wearing heels and it has been wet for hours. Good thing, a Manong tricycle went my way. Although I was seated at the back and got even more wet, I reached home safe with my family waiting for me.

I thought I was going to die. I fear floods because of Leptospirosis and other diseases I may catch. This might be considered as an unlucky event again however I saw this one as something that saved my from my sad morning.

The morning when I came at school. I entered this room to do my work only to find out that the people in there don't seem to mind my existence. I knew from the start that I have my dreams and I want to beat some people fair and square. But how will I be able to do it when the army is on the other side and I only have myself to the other end? That morning is the coldest place I've been. Colder than how I felt during Falcon's full blow of strong winds. Is it possible to ignore the first one on the line of losers?

I don't really care if you don't give me that much attention, less pressure on me. But you know, sometimes I also have to hear a remark even a simple one will do that can assure me that I am doing good or if I have to improve. For once I thought that I am the perfect thing you don't wanna have: I'm not a pretty face, I slack around sometimes and I'm not poised but every person needs to be reassured even at a point on their lives, more over the appreciation of their existence, COUNT ME IN.

I have opened this before but I can't say more over. I may not be ready today but surely I'll never give up. I'll show you that you weren't that enough to make me falter. I will be all the days you chose to ignore. See me fly my dear Superior :)

Now that the night has come and even if I have a lot to do for school, I think my feelings are now okay :) Surely, I'll be forever thankful Falcon :)

Oh, I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh, but life goes on

Oh, I'm alone, on my own and I'm starting off

Oh, I'm just a girl trying to find a place in this world

RESET

2011-06-22T09:55:00.000+08:00

Hmm, ever felt being in a crucial situation where in you just dived into it then allow yourself to be carried away? Then in the middle of it you realized that what you are doing might be wrong then the urge of pressing the "reset" button is your only wish? Life's like that for me, well, hopefully, as of the moment. I just started my 3rd year at the University and I've been pushing myself (let's say motivating) to keep it up so that I can graduate by the next academic year.

I think it is just because I can't still move on to my bitter Summer TT.TT Although some of these days aren't good, there are still days worth remembering for. Hmm, let's say, birthdays! :)

FIRST STOP: The busy days on my calendar.

JUNE 9

Hello School days!

First day of school. I think if I remember right, this is the first time classes started at a Thursday. Usually, Mondays. Nothing's really special for the first day of class. I didn't miss the University, I didn't miss my classmates and we already have an exam for Abnormal Psychology about Phobias.

JUNE 10

The continuation of our Phobia exam then I had a surprised meeting for Taft Alliance. I shouldn't be there but that is a proof of having no other choice than to abide with your responsibility.

JUNE 12

The independence day of the Philippines. Matagal ko ng di dama 'to pakiramdam ko kasi dapat araw araw inaalala to at yung mga contributors nito. Ganon pa rin, parehas na wish para sa Pinas. Sana naman matupad :)

JUNE 13

Our newsletter. I made the logo and wrote 2 news for the front page -.-

We already had our Nexus' newsletter checked by our adviser. Actually I don't have the heart for news writing. I am assigned on the editorial part of our school paper when I was in my elementary days, I enjoy feature writing as well. So I never thought it would turn out good :)

JUNE 17

Exam on Abnormal Psychology again. This day sucks! I thought I'll die because of humiliation. I got really dizzy because I didn't had enough sleep. The strap of my shoes went out of place, good thing I saw a shoe repair shop on my way though it wasn't repaired that much because I'm in a hurry. The exam is too difficult for me to bear. I wanna collapse that time T.T

JUNE 13 - 17

Are there also people unlucky as me? >.<

SpEd enrollment. I always belong to the bunch of unlucky people every time this event happens. I brought my reg form with me so I am given an early enlistment but my schedule sucks that I wanna roll like crazy inside the department. I am scheduled for a 5pm to 8pm class like what the?! Good thing it was moved to 3pm to 5pm. The agony! I hate going to school during late afternoons -.-

JUNE 21

Psychological Research exam. Okay, we're back to write everything. As in write everything from the module given to us. I hate this kind of exams. That's all :p

LAST STOP: My happy days ^^

JUNE 7

My post- it note for Jiyeonnie :)

Jiyeon's birthday! I was able to participate in the sticky note sending project of Diadem, I hope she can read mine and logs into diadem! :D

JUNE 19

I don't know how old me and my twin sister here :p

Father's day! Though I'm kinda sad that I forgot to greet my father. I was so tired the night before that I woke up late and forgot about greeting him T.T But I know he knows I love him :)

JUNE 20

No classes! That means a long weekend for me ^^ Well, not that long since I had a class last Saturday -.- BTW, this day is a holiday because it is Rizal Day! The birthday of our national hero Jose P. Rizal :)

JUNE 22

언니 예쁘, 생일 축하해! 너무 사랑해요 :)

Hyun Yeon Unnie's birthday! My over seas best friend now turns 20 (21 at Korea) :) I'm so happy to find a friend like her :)

JUNE 24

Holiday again! Oh my! I live at Pasay City but I study at PNU which is located at the country's capital - City of Manila, so during June 24 we don't have any classes because it's Manila day ^^

I'll try to post updates as often however since I'm very busy, I have to prioritize things first. I'll do my best to keep this blog alive ^^ I'll post some updates about the last week of June soon :)

I Know What I Did Last Summer

2011-05-28T16:33:00.004+08:00

Because if ever I'm already done with my childhood and teenage stuffs, I still want to read my entries. Basically because I wanna laugh at myself for being so childish, impulsive and to look back again to what happened in my life. I am not quite sure whether I forgot some of my weird experiences already but random thoughts kept running though my mind throughout this Summer vacation. Thoughts I gladly want to share :)

SUMMER CLASSES
When I entered College, I am very much aware that Summer classes may rule my entire Summer but I was surprised because I didn't got any during my Freshman year. However, I had a taste of that this Summer.

I did those things at the library. So bored -.-

Just like other kids, I don't like classes during vacations but I miss going to school during the most boring time of my life :p I think this is how ironic life is. Anyways, I became childish again for calling some people names because they cut in the line. I mentioned before that I can't tolerate things as serious like that. Time and effort are so important to me that I always take into consideration when it comes to other people. Aside from that is I blame them so much for getting a fail cut-sched. And everyday I was like "Malas talaga tayo! Ang dami kasing sumingit e." However, I realized that my attitude wasn't that nice. Yes it's bad to cut in the line but it is not their choice (do they know?) that I'll be given that kind of sched. I felt bad for being so impulsive and being irritated without them knowing T.T Next time, I should look to the other side and voice my opinion to the most civil way as possible.

They share the same fate as I :p

About the 18 days of Summer Class, I had fun and downs at the same time. I had a chance to meet other majors who were also interested with taking up SpEd. It was kinda fun that we were learning while playing. I just wish they can still be my classmates next sem or maybe the next Summer :) I really enjoyed being with them. Hope to see us all graduate :)

1ST FRIEND-SARY
Okay I just made that term up :) Last May 6, Hyun Unnie and I celebrated our 1st year of being formally friends :D Although we didn't celebrate together since she's busy at school and I am preparing for my cousin's debut the next day :) Twitter has been our way of communication since then, well aside from y!messenger and live :) We have become Twitter best friends, as she always say :) Though we're 2 years apart and we grew up on different cultures, I never felt that those things hinder our friendship. Sometimes I can really feel the language barrier but I always try my best to study and understand what she wants to say. We talk about random stuffs and our problems that we don't want others to know.

Just click to see the image better :)

I always feel that no matter how bad my day is, Unnie will always be there to listen to my rants. We may be far away from each other by now but I know the day will come that we can hang out together and do some girly stuffs like shopping, strolling around Seoul and to see MuBank :) But as of now, we are determined to study hard and be contented to what we can grab along the way. I know that it'll not be too long. Unnie, wait for me :)

SHE'S 18 AND LEGAL!
Last May 7, my cousin already had her debut :) We are of the same age and we grew up like almost together, so she is really very close to me. Every time I browse our pictures I always see a portrait of this lovely triplets. And since she's already 18 and legal, she deserves love from everyone! :)

I can still remember the time when we were young. I wasn't allowed to eat chocolates so I went away from my cousins who were enjoying their part. She went with me and gave me a piece. It was indeed the happiest day of my life back then. It remained as a secret between us not until now :p And now that I am looking back to that day, I've been awaken by the idea that we're not young girls anymore. How time flies so fast :)

See! She organized her debut well! :)

She had the most unforgettable celebration ever. She organized her party by herself hoping her day would turn out great. However, on the day she turned 18 - ready to celebrate it with us and her friends, heavy rains poured and strong winds blew. Everything that this princess wished and hoped for turned into a party whacked by the typhoon and brown out. I saw how she almost cried her heart out that day and I am very proud that she was able to carry on. Coupled with a lot of supportive friends, loving family and guidance from our God Almighty, we were able to celebrate her 18th birthday. Maybe not on how she planned it but I guess it is something better :)

COUSINS! Not complete -.-

Look at what Typhoon Bebeng did! T.T

Dear Bakla,
Matanda na tayo pero sakto pa rin para makaligo tayo sa ilog at magbanlaw sa poso. Hindi talaga nating inaasahan na magiging ganito ang debut mo pero you rock pa rin! Biruin mo, ikaw ang nagpatunay na independent ka na talaga even before 18 y/o :) Wish ko na sana maging maayos ng lahat para sayo. Lagi ka sanang gabayan ng Panginoon sa lahat ng mga plano mo sa buhay. At higit sa lahat ay stay strong kahit anong mangyari. Marami pa tayong gagawin sa buhay a.k.a magpatayo ng hotel sa Mangatarem, magparty sa mental ta magiging calculator :) Kung alam mo lang, nagwish na ko sa lahat ng kandilang itinirik sa mga mesa nung bday mo :p Ayun lang bakla nakakaiyak na 'to eh. Feeling ko senior citizen na tayo HAHAHA! I love you bakla! KEEP ROCKING! :)

Love,
Isa pang bakla :)
P.S Pakikwento ang love life a.k.a 17th dance :))

TO MY FIRST LOVE

This is my first time to write something for my first love without any feelings of sadness, bitterness and jealousy to whoever he is with now :) I don't know why he is included with my random thoughts these days but whatever is it, I think I should be thankful to him no matter what happened before.

My first love is not the sweet boy meets girl, they live happily ever after story. It's like how Jun Pyo and Jan Di fight at Boys over Flowers, Nam and Shone's never spoken love before 9 years ago at A Crazy Little Thing Called Love and Popoy and Trisha's painful parting at One More Chance. I can still remember the days when I can't sleep because of happiness (either we talked at y!m or he sent me some encouraging words) or cry myself to sleep (either me or him did something stupid or upsetting). We never admitted our feelings to each other but we said them through our friends, after all it has remained as a love out of reach.

To my first love,

It has been a beautiful disaster. I just want you to know that I tried my best to deny, avoid and admit whatever I want through anonymous letters and dedications that were never sent. Maybe I am the only one that I can still remember :) No matter what, I'll always be thankful that you came and made me realize that I am vulnerable enough to love and be loved. We didn't end up for a happily ever after make believe fairytale but I wish we can find our own someday. I want you to know that I never hated you, so please do as you wish, do not feel sorry. I am now doing my best and strong enough. Let's keep on cheering each other up as friends.

Even if one day I fall in love with someone else,
you will be forever special and precious to me.

Love,
The Girl Who Asked You To Write On Her Purple Diary

BITTERSWEET ENDINGS
For me, endings are usually bittersweet. You have to say goodbye to the constant things or people you've been with but somehow you will have the chance to start anew and gear yourself for the future challenges you'll soon encounter. That's how I felt during our swimming with Ate and her friends.

It was a long walk followed by a peaceful night :)

It wasn't the way it was before a year ago, when we went to the same trip. I never saw it coming as well. Sometimes, people really have to go. But no matter how tough situations are, I wish that they already forgiven each other. And to the other I wish you'll find your luck by looking into the other horizon.

Thank you for giving me something to look back at :)

How ironic it is that my statements don't describe the pictures at this part. Somehow, someway pictures don't always reveal the story behind everything. However, they should always serve as valuable memories to everyone :)

TEAM BUILDING ACTIVITY
Honestly, I am really not in the mood to attend that thing, however seeing the effort of our president, I think I have to do my part after all. Before I went there and feel responsible, I promised myself that I will do my best to fit in my job. But as days go by, I feel that I am half heart-edly being there. I am not saying that the team building that happened made me realize how important my role is in this organization. I still believe there's no such thing as half day changes. Some will change, some still unchanged.

How busy can I be?

The team building was fun. I saw how friendly some of our seniors are, how witty those wallflowers seem to be and how irritating some are. What surprised me even more is that our speaker is my batch mate. Somehow, I thought about that moment on how small this world we are living at can be.

PSYCHOLOGICAL SOCIETY 2011 w/ the speakers

We finished early but extended our time so formulate our calendar of activities. Now that there are more challenges and problems that we need to solve, I am looking forward to a good relationship among us. Will we be able to make a difference or we will just be another "just like that?"

I AM GROWING UP
Not so physically but I still wish I am still getting taller like 5'10" :p I just found something here at our desktop when I am deleting some files, probably my Ate got it first. Before I always wonder what could have it been if I already reach this age. Now that I am here, it feels the same me yet with a grown up heart. I often find myself in nostalgia. I am happy with my life now but I guess I am now set to find what my mission on Earth really is. It makes me ponder a little more and care so much. I just hope it'll not make me love a little less :)

END OF THE BORING SUMMER

I think I can wrap things up here. I am very much aware that my condition will not any progress at all. I waited for a very long time for this Summer vacation to come but I haven't had the taste of my planned vacations nor visit my parents' home towns. All I did was to wait for meetings, study about Phobias because of the exam on the first day of school and a lot more, mostly about school stuffs.

I wanna go badly knowing that my lolo (my father's father) is sick or go at my Mother's hometown for my lolo (my mother's father) death anniversary. My father said that it's alright. I still have my Christmas to spend. Somehow I still feel sad, I even cried when things revealed that I can't come. They said that they understand what I am going through right now. That maybe with all of my hard work at school, I can graduate with honors. When that time comes, my father said that my lolo may give me a pig. It's a pig! YEAH! 8D

No matter how valuable that pig is or the academic honor I may receive, I feel that they don't compensate to the sadness I am feeling right now. I managed to sacrifice everything I got for them to be proud of me. Those sacrifices are for them but if I won't be able to see them even once in while, what is the worth of those honors and certificates or medals?

Good thing there are still nice things that happen on my hectic, stressful every days. I will always be looking forward to positive things. I will just hope that next Summer, it'll be better. Happy Summer everyone! :)

The 6 Hours of Summer Waiting

2011-04-26T13:43:00.005+08:00

FROM 4 HOURS TO 6 HOURS

Nagpunta ako sa school ng 10. Nakakaewan lang dahil 1st class ko palang yun, samantalang last na ng mga kaklase ko. Bad trip talaga. Di ko maatim tignan yung mga kaklase ko, lalo na yung mga sumingit. Leche. Napakakapal talaga ng mga paltos sa mukha.

Minsan pakiramdam ko kulang pa yung mga kaewanan nilang ginawa nung enrolment. Mukhang dinagdagan pa nila para daw masaya. Pati ba naman sa groupings lantaran ang mga gawaing nakasasama ng loob

Isang hilera na nga kami, bakit kailangan pa kaming laktawan?

Dahil na rin sa nakikita kong wala kong patutunguhan, nagpalipat na ko ng sched. Buti pumayag si Ma'am. Buti pa sa class na napuntahan ko gusto nila akong kagroup. May mga magaganda paring bagay na nangyari kahit na super malas ko sa SpEd, sa 6 hours na vacant, sa ex classmates ko,sa halos humalik sa lupang grade sa gen pri at sa lrt na super bagal.

Kamalasan ko dahil the next day na pala ang report ko. Kakainform lang >.<

THE LEGEND OF 10AM CLASS

Dahil mabait ako at alam kong malala pa sa pila ng Wowowee and SpEd Enrolment, 6:30 palang e nakapila na ako. Pero kahit ganon pa man talo pa rin ng mga madudugas ang maagap. Bwiset! ang daming sumingit. Hindi na nahiya. Of all things pinakaayaw ko ang mga sumisingit sa pila. I feel na iyon ang umpisa ng lahat ng kadugasan sa mundo. You become too independent of other people tapos you'll forget everything about others. PAK. Anyways, hindi lang nakakapagod na araw ang napala ko, isama pa ang sinumpang schedule ng 10AM - 1PM and next clss ay 5PM - 8PM. Ewan ko pano naniwala yung nanay ko saken sa sched na yun. Day shift na nga, may night shift pa.

Salamat sa 6 hours na vacant, nagawa ko ang mga 'to ng 2 hours sa lib :P

Alam ko na masama ugali ko pero hindi ko ineexpect na sobrang impyerno yung kalalagyan ko. Super malas talaga ng araw na to. Hindi ko na talaga alam kung paconsuelo de bobo ko lang na naurong ang klase ng 4 - 6PM.

THE 18 DAYS OF SUMMER CLASS

Hindi ko lam kung maniniwala ako kila Ate Marie na "okay na ang 3 units" at wag ng ituloy pa ang Spec. Iniisip ko kasi isang napakalaking jungle ang pagkuha ng Spec. Enrollment pa lang halos tumambling na ko tapos schedule pa. Pero kahit ganon pa man, nakakagulat na natapos ko ang Summer. Masaya pero mas maraming araw na nakakainis. Pakiramdam ko napakamalas ko talaga. Ang 18 Days of Summer ay parang isang napakahabang field trip sa lugar na may konting patak ng ligaya. Hay buhay.

MIDDLE GROUND

Sabi ng isa kong kaibigan dati, wala daw middle ground sa mundo. Paniwalang paniwala ako noon pero ang tagal tagal ko ng nararamdaman na meron talagang lugar na kung saan pwede ang "medyo" gaya nalang ng Summer class na 'to.

Sino yang mga yan? :)) Mga lagi kong kasama sa school :D

Masaya kasi ewan ko. Nakakaride ako sa ma trip ng mga kasama ko, ang sarap kumain, magbabad sa sine, matulog sa library at mangasar ng mga kung sinu sino. Nakakairita dahil pakiramdam ko asar saken yung Prof namin sa SpEd 2. Minsan talaga di ko malaman anong meron saken.

TO RESIGN OR NOT TO RESIGN

Isa pa yung sa PsychSoc. Handa na ko eh. Na tanggapin yung desisyon ng mga kaklase kong bumoto saken pero parang ang sarap magresign sa June. Ganito kaya mafeefeel ko 'pag nagtatrabaho na ko? Bad trip lang kasi na parang di ko madama na nagtutulungan kami. Minsan nga iniisip ko bat pa kami magteateam building eh parang wala naman ng magbabago? Hindi naman ako nagmamagaling, alam ko naman na Junior lang ako pero siguro naman may say ako sa mga nangyayari. Nakakalungkot lang isipin.

At dahil tapos na ang Summer classes, tiyak mababawasan na ang mga iniisip ko sa buhay :) Maraming mangyayari sa Summer na 'to bukod sa mga bagyo. Pero sana memorable pa rin dahil ever totoo ang 2012, ito na ang last Summer ng lahat 8D

March To The nth Power

2011-03-29T11:39:00.007+08:00

Ito na siguro ang pinakamatagal na March sa buhay ko, bukod pala noong 4th year High School ako kasi super ang hang over ko sa Graduation :D Siguro kasi dahil super busy talaga ng naging buhay ko, nakalimutan ko na ngang magligalig kasama ng mga lagi kong nakakasama sa school. At sa tingin ko tuloy na tuloy na yung mga ganitong pangyayari dahil umikot na ang buhay ko ng 360 degress, BIG TIME.

Madaming nangyari saken ngayong March pero puro exams naman, ang highlight lang naman ay ang Awardings, Kick Off Party at ang nakakaewang FB experience. The rest, gusto ko ng kalimutan lahat.

AWARDING CEREMONIES
Actually, this is the first awarding ceremony I had in College. I mean yung formal na kasama yung parents tapos aakyat sa stage tapos kodakan tapos kakain ng sabay sabay tapos uwian na. Masaya ako kasi napaakyat ko yung parents ko sa stage matapos yung mga madudugong araw ng sakripisyo ko sa pag-aaral. Sa katunayan buhay na buhay pa yung dugo ko na gumraduate ng may medal, alam ko medyo elementary thinking kaya lang nawiwili talaga akong makita yung malaking medal na parang sinlaki ng platito namin. Wala naman akong balak isangla yun dahil di naman pwede pero kasi iba yung saya sa mga magulang ko nun. Hindi lang dahil isang tipak yung medal na yun, pruweba din yun na kahit madalas akong gumawa ng kalokohan sa eskewela eh nagsikap pa rin ako mag-aral. At napakahirap isipin ng spelling ng "pruweba."

Anyway, nauna pala ako pumunta sa school kesa sa mga magulang ko. May chismis kasi na kelangan namin pumunta ng 8 para mag-ayos sa Psychsoc. At guess what? chismis talaga. Binulok ko ang sarili ko sa red angle kasama ang aking all-black outfit na may kasamang tuck in. Tuck o Tack? LOL hindi ko talaga alam ang lahat ng bagay, okay? :D Ayun pagdating nila bwahahahaha! Bukod sa nagulat sila sa muka kong may kolorete, nagulat rin ako sa aking inang mahal na nakadress hindi naman sa tatay ko kasi lagi naman talaga siyang nakaformal. Hindi ko lang ineexpect na magdedress ang nanay ko kasi mahilig yun sa super formal :))

Dahil wala ang ate kong mataba, ang nanay ko ang bahala sa kodakan at pinagmamalaki niyang nakuha niya yung pangalan ko LOL Anyways ang saya saya nila pero nagpaparinig yung nanay ko na sana next year number 1. Syempre kunyare di ko narinig. LOL solve na ko sa kung anong maabot 'to, masisiraan na ako ng bait kung isusubsob ko ang sarili ko kakaaral. Kaya naman ako nagaaral ay para magkaroon ng roller coaster happy life at hindi maging nobel prize winner pero who knows? Libre mangarap at huwag tuparin LOL :D

KICK OFF PARTY
Masaya na ewan na nakakapagod na nakakaengot. Pero okay lang kasi dahil sa experience na to, naikot ko ang Divisoria ng mag-isa! Achievement ko yun =)) Kahit naligaw ako at nilakad ko mula 168 hanggang Doroteo Jose station solve pa rin, yun nga lang narealize ko yung kaengotan ko kasi pwede naman akong magtanong kung san sasakay bakit ba sinarili ko? Going back sa PNU naman, medyo wala ng nakakaliw sa Divisoria bukod sa paglustay ko ng pera sa mga damit na di ko man lang sinukat at kaengotan ko.

Una, may finals dapat kami sa AnaPhy at talagang nakakabagabag dahil wala akong inaral. Naniniwala talaga ako na mahal ako ng Diyos dahil matapos sabihin ng Prof namin ang heartbreaking na "hindi" sa president namin, pumayag siyang imove kinabukasan ang test. Siguro dahil umiyak si Grace LOL pero dahil na rin siguro sa aming nakakairitang puppy eyes at mala Oscars na "please sir..." with matching singhot singhot pa. Makapageffort talaga kami. Pero nakikita talaga ang effort ng mga teacher kaya nga may rule na "1 point for the effort." Isipin mo nga naman, ang mga matatanda nga nagbibigay ng pera sa mga batang parang lasing pag kumanta, ano ba naman ang konting pabor diba? Lesson: Wag ng umasa sa president HAHAHA! joke ba to? :p

Nalaman naming lahat ang kaboploksan namin at hindi pala nareserve talaga ang venue. Hindi naman kasi namin alam na after OSASS meron pang susunod na kabanata eh. Anyways kahit na naiiyak na kami sa sinasabi ni Sir na huwag ng ituloy ang lahat ng pinaghirapan namin, tinuloy pa rin namin kahit sa classroom lang. At napakasaya namin. LOL wala namang arte yung mga Seniors samen, grateful pa nga sila ^^ Buti nalang. Minsan talaga para paraan lang yan :D

ISANG NAKAKAENGOT NA USAPAN SA FACBEOOK
Hindi na talaga safe sa facebook. Kahit mga pinakatatago tago mong isipin lumalabas. Nakakaboploks lang kasi yung pinaguusapan pa namin yung nakakita, Prof pa siya. Tatawa ba ko? Actually, nadamay lang kasi siya sa usapan namin punong puno ng kaligayahang walang hanggan. Hindi namin mean na masaktan ang feelings niya.

Hindi na ko magrarason pa, baka mapahamak na naman ako eh. Nasa Twitter na yung statement ko. Basta ako natuto na.

Dahil summer vacation na, maghahibernate na ko. Alam ko naman di talaga kumpleto ang Summer vacation ko ngayon. Sana lang kahit ang dami kong ginagawa, makapagdrama pa rin ako dito. Sa lahat ng taong namimiss ko na (alam niyo na kung sinu sino kayo) sana magparamdam kayo saken pero kung suma kabilang buhay na talaga kayo, wag na lang siguro :)) Sa lahat ng mga nalulugami, summer na, halo halo lang katapat ng mga kaemo-han na yan.

"To everyone, whatever direction you choose,
I hope you will live a happy life." -Baek Seung Jo (Mischievous Kiss)

Invincible Summer in the Middle on a Winter

2011-03-06T12:27:00.009+08:00

I have nothing to do but I am weary. During the last week, I had so much to go through so I just wrote and wrote :)

March 1, 2011
Hello Blog! and as well to those who read my sanctuary. Actually, I don't really know if there are people who read this since I am not a real deal and famous to be read about, maybe we just have some thing in common :) Anyways, I'm not directly typing at my blog. I am writing at an individual table here at the library while listening to the FM radio, away from my usual company. Somehow, I feel quite peaceful. It's nice to be alone sometimes and think of my post to enter.

Honestly, I feel not being happy nowadays. I mean not completely happy. That's why I like to ponder about the things that has been happening to my life. I know that God puts me here for me to understand how things are if I experience or to experience the best and worst of both worlds.

NOSTALGIA
I miss how the things are before. I know it's odd and irritating because I keep on repeating myself over the same issue. Can you blame me? Maybe the reason why I feel this way is because I know the fact that things can never go back to how they were before.

I'm glad to see that my friends are enjoying their College lives though it makes me a bit envious to them. Somehow, I want those happy moments to be spent with the old us. It's as if I'm stuck in the middle of a race thinking which way to go while all of them are running and trying to finish their own. Is it really true? That what happened in High School remains at High School? Can they still recall the good,old days when we're still young, stupid and careless?

PAROXYSM
I don't know what to feel now that I am here at College. I can do better now and I excel most of the time. My classmates praise me for being good at those and that and for a lot more. Though I feel being on the top now, I can't laugh nor be happy like I used to be.

Back then, I'm not a High School awardee and I think I deserve that. I don't feel sad about it though. I aimed at being a medalist but when it turned out that I can't be, I accepted that fate. I spent the remaining years enjoying my life with my friends and some villains, Though we're bombarded with school requirements and barely sleep, we still managed to hold ourselves up, supporting each other. I was so happy doing some things for the first time in my life :)

Honestly, I feel quite at ease when I entered College, same goes at my Sophomore year though it went a level higher. Before entering College, my friends and I promised that we will do our best to survive :) I was surprised when I was able to do it but I never thought I'll be judged because I'm luckier than anyone else inside the room. Like what I've said before, I tried to stood behind every one else since the time I don't want to remember. If ever I can do better, is it really my fault? If ever I want to get serious at this point, should I retract because you see me as a bad person? :(

Nakukuha ko na kung ano ang gusto ko. Natutupad ko na yung promise namin. Kung tutuusin dapat masaya na ako, pero bakit hindi? Bakit mas masaya pa ako noong bale wala lang saken 'tong mga bagay na 'to?

SKEPTIC
That's what I feel about my usual company. Maybe my Ate is so fed up to me for always telling her about them but I really don't have someone to listen to about this. My usual companions are nice if they are but there's really something about them that I dislike. However, the traits I dislike about them are eating me up. Because of what are happening right now, I tend to lie most of the time :( They said that liars go to hell. I guess they're wrong. The truth is liars live in hell- just like what has been happening to me.

March 4, 2011

THE RHODORA BY THE CLIFF
And it just happened. I started to avoid my usual company. Actually it's not 100% avoidance. I just stop talking about the usual things I want to share. After all, I feel that it is not necessary for them to know what these things are and I am not quite sure if they really understand what I want to say. On the other hand, I didn't avoid them just because I want to. I have reasons that I know they know as well, I'm just not sure if they are aware of it. As days passed by between me and my usual company, I didn't feel like a friend. I felt being a subordinate. I felt being Yun Baekhui. The Yun Baekhui who is Ko Hyemi's tail :(

I am still a Rhodora at the cliff. A flower that grew under the shadows. Now that the big rocks that shadow me all throughout have fallen down the cliff, days are just waiting for me to follow. If you'll ask until when? Until she'll realize that it's not me but her.

IT'S ALRIGHT
I am writing away from then and it doesn't feel sad unlike how I expected. Of course they are asking me what's the matter and I said none. Maybe I'm still not ready to let go of it. Are they worried about it now? Do they still think that I'm just sick or I lack sleep that's why I don't act the same. It has been 2 days but I still feel alright. It's kinda hard to be this cold but I felt quite at peace. Does it mean I made the right decision?

No matter what will happen, I know I should carry on. I s ill have my old friends to fall back on. Gigi proved it to me last night :) I still have my friends that I am sure will never leave me sad. There are just some people, I will always go back to :)

HAKUNA MATATA
Means no worries. I know that this will eventually be alright. Things will fall back on its proper way again. I am just hoping to hang on a little more :)

March 9,2011

Napakahimbing ng araw na 'to :) NSTP and SpEd namin pero nstp lang pinasukan ko na ubod ng sayang sa oras. Wala lang pumunta lang kami doon ng 8:50 tapos nagout ng 9:15 para kunin ang mga pangalan. Last day na ng NSTP at graduation ng mga students namin tomorrow, sana makapunta kami :) Hassle ang NSTP pero mamimiss ko lalo na ang pagtuturo. Sana makapunta pa rin ako dun sa Paco kahit na wala na kaming assignment doon. Mamimiss ko yung sobrang matutulunging tao na super ang asikaso samen. Sana marami pang tulad nila :)

Di pala ako pumasok ng SpEd. Lahat pala kami :p Ang haba kasi ng oras na hihintayin. Umuwi nalang kami. Ayun nagawa ko rin ang protocol at video ko for Law mataos ang aking mahabang himbing. Ang sarap matulog :)

March 8,2011

I am very sleepy today but I managed to wake up at an earlier time. I went to school early 'cause I can't afford to be late :p

As I was walking at Rotonda, someone called my name. Hahahaha! It's Dandan. I didn't saw him at the jeep but he said we were on the same trip. I miss my Elementary days :) We talked about it and how everything changed. Hmmmm we're close when we were in Elem, actually we were classmates since kindergarten and school mates till High School. But we never talked casually back in High School. I don't know why, I guess it'll be like that when people grow up :)

Ayun after some time naghiwalay na rin kami ng way kasi MRT siya, ako LRT. Natatawa na lang ako. Di ko lubos maisip kung pano ko siya naging crush noon LOL

Masaya naman ang araw ko, peaceful. Siya nga pala nanominate ako for service award. Nakakatuwa na may tiwala classmates ko saken pero medyo nahihiya ako baka kasi mayabangan yung iba saken. Wag naman sana :)

Kakabasa ko lang ng text ni Pia. Namimiss ko naman GM ng Law! Parang dati gabi gabi at uma umaga yun ah. Ngayon halos wala na TT.TT Pero okay lang siguro babalik din ang mga yun :)

March 10,2011

Adik! nagmamadali na kami sa mga lessons ngayon. Grabe nangangarag na ako, good thing wala na akong report, yun nga lang ang dami ko pang ioorganize na program for next week. Grabe hindi ko alam kung paano pagkakasyahin ang Miyerkules at Huwebes. May finals pa ako sa SpEd ng Wed na kasabay ng oath taking ko sa PsychSoc. May finals sa AnaPhy after ng kick-off.

Binigay na pala ang class card sa Theories. Maswerte pa rin ako :) Sinabi ko rin sa parents ko yung service award, natuwa naman sila LOL :)

Matatapos na ko sa 2nd year. OLE! :)

March 13,2011

Sobrang pagod ako kahapon wala akong naienter sa post na to :)) Galing kaming Divisoria nila Grace, Micha at mga jowa nila LOL Nakakaasar pero di ako naiinggit :)) Naaasar kasi ako 'pag sobrang sweet eh LOL

Nagenjoy naman ako sa Divisoria. I'm broke na nga eh :)) Umuwi ako mag-isa pinauna ko na kasi sila Grace :) Explore explore ako kahit di ko kabisado ang lugar. Kaya nga ako namulubi eh. Lahat ng gusto ko binili ko =)) Nakalimutan ko rin san yung tinuro nila Grace na sasakyan ko pauwi. Nilakad ko hanggang Doroteo Jose station! Ang balak ko pa nga Carriedo eh kung di lang sinabi ng guard :)) Pero masaya naman ang paglalakad ko :) Ang dami kong nakita. Halos naexplore ko yung unexplored streets ng Chinatown na 'di samen pinapasyalan ng Nanay ko. Naghihintay nga ako ng mga gangster eh para makakita ako ng live Kung Fu or Shaolin kaso wala LOL

Kanina ko lang din nalaman na maluwag saken ang dress. I mean maganda na siya gawing palda =)) Buti nalang to the rescue ang aking Nanay :)) Kasama ko rin pala ang family ko sa Wednesday papuntang PNU for the College of Arts and Social Sciences Recognition Day :) Nagulat ako ng konti na nakapasok ako sa Top 10 ng College at super thankful din kay God dahil inallow niyang mangyari 'to. Sa buong pamilya at angkan ko rin isama pa ang mga kaibigan ko dahil super support sila.

This is just the beginning :)

Reality check! I am still human, vulnerable to pain. I guess what happened to me right now helps me to figure out that I will continue to grow and learn. Amidst these things, I found in myself an invincible summer in the middle of the winter :)

Before I say goodbye, check my video about my lovely High School Days :)

LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST! :)

It's Been So Long

2011-02-19T20:00:00.013+08:00

The title speaks for itself. That it has been so long since I posted here at my blog. I guess this is it. This is the period of my life where in I have to take on the real life and stop for sometime. Alam mo yun? Yung tipong kailangan mo ng mag-seryoso kasi may kailangan ng mangyari sa buhay mo. Hmmm, medyo hindi pa nga ako sure kung ano na talaga ang meron. Para kasing busy busyhan lang ako dahil sa school requirements or some. Di ko nga rin sure kung may mapapala nga talaga ako sa mga yun. Life is really full of surprises. I just miss the old me :(

NEW LIFE
I've been bombarded with lots of things to do. Mainly about school stuffs pero swerte pa rin ako kasi naman nakakapag-online pa rin. Pero minsan din kasi yung online ko para lang ma confirm ang mga kailangan gawin at maglaro :( My social life is becoming unhealthy. I miss how I am when I was just 5 years old and even 16 years old. Good old times when I am young and vibrant. Times when I am just learning how to stand up for myself and to discover what life is all about. I have witnessed life's transformations and it hurts to see that the people who have been there for me are now on their own ways. Some moved, some disappeared, some died. Ah~
I miss them.

NEW PEOPLE
Actually, I don't know how to treat some of the new people in my life. I consider some of them now as friends but some are under the "it's complicated" status. I don't know if it's me or them that I can't accept some of them as my friends no matter how sincere they are. And mostly I found them at the University where I am studying now. I know that I not a newbie anymore and this should not occur that often but there are things they do that I don't like. However, I am not in the place to tell them. I can't judge them. I have to understand them.

What I observed from some of them is that they always go overboard. Some of them only recognize me when they need me like to accompany them, etc. Some involve me into things that I don't know, people that I don't care about and events that I have no idea can take place. While some are so mean that they think this new world is just spinning around them and they can get everything. Like they always think that compliments should always be given to them.

Ever since a new person told me that I bragged about the school where I came from when I was in High School, I stood behind. I don't know and I don't care anymore if they knew it. However, it has been a clear view after that. Though, I hate the fact that we can't stand on the same path. That is why I don't consider some of them as my friends, it's because they treat me not the same as theirs. When I am recognized, I feel that I am not enough for them.

Parang mas kampante pa nga ako sa mga kaklase ni Ate. Kasi naman walang arte at masaya sila kasama. Nagkamali kaya ako ng desisyon? :(

OLD PEOPLE
I had a little reunion with some of the Lawrence people last Wednesday :) It's been so long since I last saw them. Ever since I entered Sophomore year, I barely see them anymore. I miss them. I miss our bonding. I miss how they treat me as their friend and how we joke around about how we want our lives to change when we reach our College level. We went on our separate ways holding our promises that we will never change for each other. God knows how I held onto those promises. At sa ngayon parang isa na lang siya sa mga hinahawakan kong dahilan para ayusin ko ang buhay ko.

Kung dati parang normal lang lagi ko silang nakikita, ngayon super excited ako kapag nagkikita kita kami. Iba kasi yung company nila. I mean they can understand me no matter what and with our friendship, we always have respect. We don't treat one as our subordinate. Equal kami lahat. Nung Wednesday, gabi na ko umuwi pero fulfilled ako kahit papano kaya lang medyo kulang. Yung mga pinagagawa naming kalokohan noong High School, ang sarap balikan. Kahit yung mga nakakaiyak, tinatawanan na lang namin ngayon. Actually we are planning to do something hilarious again since we're now finished on High School we have no more regrets after this HAHAHA!

I wish I can go back to the good old days :)

Hmmm. Maybe if some people can read this they may think that I am a very sentimental and nostalgic person. Some may even say that I am a lonely or miserable being. Can you blame me for having the best High School life and worst College years ever? I know it's too early to conclude but I hope when I'm already finish with everything, I can still go back to the good old days 'cause it's been so long.

I Miss Everyone but I wish we can always find our way. It's not over for us yet :)
Let's stimulate our Endorphins everyone! :)

The Girl's Now 18

2011-01-18T18:40:00.004+08:00

Ah, it has been a week since I turned 18 :) I really have a lot to thank the Almighty God who sent me here to live. For the past 18 years, I've been through a lot of things. I experienced happiness and sadness, witnessed life and death, gained friends and lose some. Sometimes I felt the inadequacy of my life so I lied, I cried, I hurt people, I get so mean that even I wanna hate myself. For all those times I felt that I'm very evil and I'm created to destroy people's lives then a lot of people entered my life. And before they actually apart from my way, they taught me a lot of things which made me see that I am still worth it :)

I was born on the 12th day of January,1993 at
Quezon City, Philippines.

First, my family. We came late for our parents. My Nanay (Mom) is already 33 while my Tatay (Dad) is already 35 when we were born. And on the date 01/12/1993, I wasn't born alone. I was born with a twin sister who is older than I am for 1 minute ^^

My birthday is not the usual Filipino debut. Back in the days, when a girl turns 18 she has to celebrate it with a Cotillion: party with everyone she knows and dancing with the traditional Rigoudon de Amor. I also dreamed about it when I was young but I'm already approaching the age, I don't it to happen anymore. I just want to have a nice celebration with my family while my friends greet me and we exchange stories about what happened to our lives until the last hour of my January 12 ends :)

My family made it possible for me. My Nanay who is very busy still managed to went home as early as possible, same as with my Tatay. Our relatives greeted me at Facebook and some even gave gifts. Honestly, I really appreciate the gifts and of course I'm very happy about it, however, it's enough for me to be remembered and receive greetings on my special day :) I'm really thankful I have a family like them. Yes, sometimes I can't understand them especially my parents but they never failed to show their unconditional love to me. I'll always look back to these days and give back soon, not because it's a responsibility but because I love them as they love me :)

Then my friends :) I'm always teary eyed when my friends show that they never forgot me. I mean when I entered 2nd year College, we rarely talk and social networking sites can't seem to connect us. I guess everyone is now busy building their lives. Who would have thought that these people who always party hard and study enough can be so inspired to do good in College? :) So when some of them greeted me, I really wanna jump with joy and relief. Joy because they still managed to greet me although they have a hectic schedule to face (even exams!) and relief because my trust to them isn't put into waste. My newly found friends also greeted me which added to my joy, it's so nice.

Somehow it's lovely to have a birthday. I mean you aged but celebrating it once in a year and getting greetings lowers my anxiety when it comes to aging :)

Now that I'm 18, I don't know yet what lies ahead of me but I'm just sure that new things will go on my way. I'm legal now :) yet this privilege should be coupled with responsibility.

THANK YOU FOR EVERYONE WHO GREETED ME!
This girl is now 18 years old :)
2011.01.12

Decade End

2011-01-01T19:26:00.004+08:00

Aaaaa, it's 2011.01.01 :) The 2000-2010 decade already ended. How times flies so fast, I can still imagine how my life was during the late 90's. And now I'll be starting a new decade. Somehow I'm excited to know what I am after. After this holiday, I'll be starting a new year again and I know that it'll not be that long that I'll be able to watch how months run till the next Holiday countdown :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS PANGASINAN!
If you'll review my posts during December it's as if my Christmas is constant and boring. But for me, it's always a different experience. Minsan ko lang makita yung mga kamag-anak ko kasi nasa probinsya ang karamihan, kaya nga minsan nakakalungkot dito sa Manila kasi hindi mo nga mararamdaman ang karamihan ng bagay dahil sa stressed ka pero 'pag mag-isa ka nalang, mapapaisip ka talaga. Ang tagal ng araw pero parang wala naman ako. That's why no matter what, I always want my Christmas to be spent with my other relatives. That for sometime I can feel that I'm sure of who I am and what's happening in my life :)

COUSINS! (incomplete)

This year, it's a new experience again. I never felt so close with my cousins again, well except when we were younger and don't care about everything. We are the middle aged people among all of us, we are 30+ all in all in our Mother's side. When we were younger, well during our childhood days, a day isn't complete without having lunch and/or dinner together, swimming at the river after lunch ,playing at the afternoon then strolling before 6pm. We had different games back then, every year there's a new fad like Tamaang Tao, Football, Entrance, etc. There are times that our parents will even join us while we were playing. Our spot in that barrio is the happiest ever, we have the noisiest neighborhood and everyone is happy. It marked changes on all of us when Lolo died and the crack grew when we entered High School. That's why I am very happy that everything is falling into its place at this point. I know it's never too late :)

Playing like kids again :p

We are not complete this Christmas but our older cousins managed to make everything alive. We had our Christmas party, where we played different games, just like before, there's just an improvement though :p We were very happy and we slept at almost 1AM. At that point, new kids are playing the games we used to play. Funny we kept on looking for who are cheating! HAHAHA! 'Cause maybe I am guilty of doing that :p I don't know if it's true or I just can't accept that fact HAHAHA!

When we were younger, I joined the Polvoron eating contest. You have to eat all the polvoron then shout "SINGKAMAS SUPER TIGAS!" According to my cousins and aunts and HAHAHA everyone, I threw half of the polvoron then shouted. They said I cheated which is until now, I am not sure of HAHAHA!

Anyways, it's funny looking back at it now. And I think this will be one of the things we will look back at again, when years come by :)

CHUT! CHUT! :))

Another thing is the Near Death Experience of my 3 cousins and my twin sister. Like it's really the end. We are imitating a train and in single pile when we accidentally went on the deeper side of the river. My elder cousin pushed me to the shallow area but then I can swim so I didn't share the same fate with them. Everything happened so fast. Good thing my 2 cousins were quick and they saved the lives of the 4 girls who almost drowned. If not for them, I'll be having the saddest holiday ever. Little did we know that our playfulness can lead us to somewhere serious and CHOOOT! CHOOOT! is our last words if ever. THANKS GOD :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It has been a great year for me. Although 2010 is full of stress, I still thank God that everything went on their right place before the year ended. I found lots of friends and build myself to be a stronger one. Somehow, I managed to become better without too much aid from my family, relatives and close friends. I worked and achieved everything using my best guided by God. He has been with me all along. He answered my prayers and broke my heart to know that I'm wrong. I always find myself coming back to him whenever I feel empty. And now that he gave me another year to live, I may not promise but I will try to be better to give back. God always makes me feel that I am not an accident, I am worth it. I wish everyone will also see the essence of our heartaches. He didn't made those to harm us 'cause if He did, we should've died long ago, but we didn't :)

I know that it may be tough but this year, I plan to reconnect with my friends. I became too greedy to build myself that I almost forgot I can fall back to them. Here I am again, being attacked by Nostalgia.

And like what I said before, I'll not renew but I will improve. I am not growing younger so maybe this is how life teaches everyone. It really hits until you feel, until you move.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! :)

My Ultimate Sembreak Comeback

2010-12-15T15:58:00.010+08:00

Hello! It has been a while since I posted. My last post is still last October 30,2010 and today is December 15,2010. HAHAHA! Mahigit isang buwan na simula noong mag-post ako :p Well, a lot happened in my life. Hindi naman sa ganon kadami, nagkapatong patong lang. For everything that happened to me during my comeback made me appreciate life more, that I'm not just existing to live everyday. I realized my mission isn't done yet. And I had this during my Ultimate Sembreak Comeback.

Noong bumalik ako sa school, nawala ang social life ko :p You know sa internet nalang talaga ag social life ko then hindi ko pa minsan nagagawang magonline to tweet or FB dahil sa sobrang pagod. Minsan kahit sa school, pag free time ko na, itinutulog ko nalang. Malaking bagay na kasi yun :)) Dahil ang Sembreak na yatang ito ang pinakabusy, pinakamahirap at pinakanakakapagod sa buong College life ko.

WELCOME NOVEMBER RAW!

My planner is quite full for November :))

After the celebration of All Saints Day and All Souls Day, we already moved to our new semester. November 2,2010 - our first day of our second semester and also the day of our first exam for the new semester. Sad but true. Unfortunately, I didn't feel the vacation that passed. Being a student and a part of a group, I still have to go to school when our officers or Professors told us to do so. And so that was it. Some of my days are still spent at school due to our Play Production practices. So during the first day of our 2nd semester, almost all flunked the exam. No one of us got the score of 16. I got 13 minus 2 because of my carelessness :))

A NEW COURSE

November 3,2010- I enrolled into another course. I didn't shift, hindi rin ako nagdrop =)) I just enrolled to another course. SO Hello! I am Glazelle Belandres-Fortin Cabugon, 2nd year BS Pscyhology AND Special Education student. At first I am scared, para kasing peer pressure lang ang naganap. Una dahil ang tagal magoffer ng ValEd and pangalawa, lahat ng classmates ko kukuha ng SpEd. So parang naging yakagan lang :)) Then I experienced how SpEd enrollment was. As in you have to go on a long line and hope you'll pass the quota. There are a lot of applicants and time is very important. When I finished the last phase of enrollment, I feel very happy. You know going through physical hardships, what a way to go. Now, my only weapon to survive this another course is my love for the special children. And don't get me wrong, my love for them is not caused by peer pressure, it's my own desire :) And now, ang problema ko nalang ay matapos ang course na to. SpEd 1, 2 na absent ko dahil sa mga department excuses >.< ESSAY WRITING CONTEST

My certificate :)

Well, we had our Psychology Month already. As a Psych major, we have to contribute something to our department. Some of my classmates already gave theirs during the Cheer dance competition. At first, I want to give mine by joining PsychKantahan but I feel that I'll be cracking my nerves that day so I just decided to go for Essay Writing Contest. The theme is about Environmental Awareness and Technology. I'm too lazy to write an essay at that time and found my self sleeping for some minutes. When I found out that it'll be time soon and we have to pass our work, I hurriedly wrote everything that's on my mind. I can't even remember everything that I wrote, just the word "inconsistencies." At the times before, during and after the contest I really didn't care. My friends and I just kept on saying, "Bahala na! Basta may mailagay lang na talent" then we will laugh loudly :)) Then during the awarding, I heard my name called. Adrenaline Rush put me on the 3rd place of the Essay Writing Contest. Most of all, God permitted it :)

OUTREACH PROGRAM

At first, nakakairita talaga ang Outreach na yan ah, isabay daw ba kasi sa mga rehearsals ng Chicago. But then as usual, it isn't just a thing that passed me by, or any requirement at all. Somehow, it made me more human. I was able to reflect that I am luckier compared to other kids out there. I wish everyone can realized it as well :)

I'm writing their names on our prepared name plates :D

The kids seem to enjoy things here :)

One thing more is I was able to bond with some of my classmates and our Senior. We could not have done a lot if not for Kuya Jeff. At first, I was scared for him, even irritated because I don't understand why do we have to go through this things but I'm glad my view about that changed.

We also have our name plates :D

Final pics with Sir Ocampo and Ms. Tess (w/ her team) :)

With this Outreach Program I was able to give second thoughts about my relationship with other people- that it'll not be that bad to trust part of your life to them and asking help will not make you a lesser person.

DENOUNCE VIOLENCE AGAINST CHILDREN!

I love my childhood. If I'll be given a chance I wanna go back to the days when I was a child. My parents allowed me to play with other children after my usual siesta, they provide me with food, they teach me my lessons and they never hit nor punished me without any cause.

Sadly, not every kids experienced the life the way I experienced it. Some of them are being beaten and punished with no reasonable reasons at all. Some of them are exploited and sold to earn money. And the most painful part of it, is it is done by no other than their own parents.

That's why when the movement of Denouncing Violence Against Children came up, I joined it. The movement tells us to change our Facebook profile pictures to a cartoon that we love when we were still young. I chose The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. As you can see Tom Sawyer is being punished by his Tiya Polly and his teacher because of his naughtiness, adding here is his best friend Huckle Berry Finn who was abandoned by his drunkard father. Though, experiencing these things, Tom and Huck still managed to live as kids and grow up understanding life's riddles.

At first I don't understand why do we have to change it to a cartoon if we can post our baby pictures then I found this video. Yes it's right, REAL CHILDREN DON'T BOUNCE BACK.

I wish and hope that even if it is not Anti-Children Violence day or month celebration. We can still be an advocate to denounce violence against children. We should always keep in mind that we should love them in order to mold them as the bets citizen a nation must have :)

LOST ID!

Lost ID!
Cabugon, Glazelle Fortin (UG2009******). I found please contact 0927******* or surrender to OSASS. Thank You!

You will find that announcement in almost all corners of our University. I left it at the CR while changing into my working clothes. It's so happened that we have a rehearsal at noon and our Prof will watch it. I quickly changed then forget my ID. It's lost at around 12 high noon and at 4PM our GenPri class, when I changed back to my uniform, my ID is nowhere to found. I went back at the CR but it's gone. I inquired at OSASS but nobody surrendered it.

I had a hard time composing what to say to my parents but when I reached home words just came out- "Nawawala ID ko..." while wearing a sad face. Hinihintay kong tumama saken yung tsinelas ng Nanay ko pero instead narinig ko siya "Makikita mo rin yun bukas kasi sa campus naman nawala." Whew! What a relief! :) Days passed and it's still missing. At last, I made my decision to make a request for a new ID. Pero gusto ko ng mg-drop nung malaman kong kailangang pa ng Affidavit of Lost >.< CHICAGO

Our Opening Tableu :))

At last, natapos na rin ang Chicago. Chicago really brought a lot of things in my life. From mood swings to blues to challenges to disappointments to life digging.

Mood Swings. Talagang sinagad ng perf na to ang pasensya ko. I'm already a changed person when it comes to managing my temper but then I felt that I went back to my old self again. Hindi ko talaga mapigil yung gigil ko sa mga kaklase ko eh lalo na yung mga grabe magreklamo tapos grabe din umabsent, kung mag-excuse pa halatang halata. I mean come on, we all have brains you know. And then yung mga maaarte. Kung ayaw magsuot ng costume edi sumayaw ng hubad, wala namang kaso yun eh :p And the way they treat props committee and costume makers/custodians. Like, we're classmates :) You didn't pay the class fund for our labor, just for the materials WE USED for the costume and props sp you don't have the right to throw those things in the box in their improper look and condition. And in case you believe that you pay us up, we demand for the salary. Pay us up or we'll file a Staffa case? >:)

Blues and Disappointments. And because of it, I became inconsistent in terms of relations and studies. I'm like a walking zombie when I'm going home. Upon seeing my bed, I dove and fell in a deep slumber. You know, unhealthy things began to cling in to me. I even felt sick like my flank pains came often and I can't even see things at dark. I don't have a perfect vision but being night blind is way too much. I managed it by holding to my classmates at rehearsals and I even have to count my steps during the technical dress rehearsal and the performance day. Thank God, my vision at night is starting to improve after the some time. I was able to see (kahit medyo aninag palang) at dark :) Though I developed Lypophrenia or Hypophrenia during these days, I'm still hoping it's all worth it.

Challenges. I'm not a perfect dancer. In fact I'm not really that good. I can memorize the steps but you have to focus on me in terms of execution. That's why I'm quite surprised slash irritated when the whoever team decided to give me 3-4 dance numbers. At first, I felt that it's unfair 'cause some of us who are even better at dancing only have few numbers and when the others don't want to dance they just cry but I never had that chance >.<>

Give them the old razzle dazzle...

I just did my best while dancing, though I'm not sure if people do like it. As for me, of course I'm proud of myself. I was able to improve that much :)

The other dancers costumes

Another challenge is being a costume designer. I quite felt happy. It was a dead dream of mine to be a designer. Nabaon na yun simula ng sinabi ng Nanay ko na magiging bakla ako kapag naging Designer ako. Kung nalaman ko lang na lalaki lang ang nagiging bakla, nangarap pa sana ako LOL =)) Ayun masaya ako kasi marunong pa rin ako magdrawing and Sir Obias like my designs :) So I'm a dancer / costume designer / hair stylist. Last time I checked babae pa rin ako, so, no worries :p Life Digging. It means knowing people not anything else :p Let's keep it short. DAHIL SA CHICAGO NALAMAN KO ANG MGA TUNAY NA UGALI NG MGA KAKLASE KO. This is not a hate post, btw =))

It's done! :D

Of course after something big, you'll learn heaps of things. Fro something positive there's a negative. And sure, Chicago made new friendships and destroyed some relations. Let's continue to live :)

T-ARA'S COMEBACK!

With a new member, Ryu Hwayoung.

TEMPTASTIC is their new album :)

My favorite girl group is back. YaYaYa! :)

LOLA'S DEATH

How time flies fast, really people in my life are really aging and starting to go. Last Wednesday is Lola Andreng's (Alejandrea E. Belandres) burial. I wasn't able to attend because I have a duty observation at Mental Hospital and SpEd class on the afternoon. Pero nakapunta naman ako noong burol. Mamimiss ko si Lola pero nakita ko namang masaya siya nung nasa kabaong siya so no worries na rin ako. May she rest in peace :)

MENTAL HOSPITAL VISIT

I'm really scared. I developed a little trauma when I was in High School. A crazy man went chasing after me along the lone road of Taft Avenue and now I have to go to the Mental Hospital and check the lives of the like. I'm really holding tightly to Tin's arm, hoping I'll not be abducted there.

Waiting for the others to arrive :)

The place seems quiet but it needs help. Kapag andon ka sa mga pavillion, iwiwish mo talaga yun. At the females', the place smells and it is full of bald women going around, some are laughing, some are staring, some are crying, some are talking to us. At the males', they are like in a prison. Naabutan pa namin yung nagwawala at naninigas. There's a deviation to how I felt. Instead of fear, I felt the real hard core pity.

The statue of Sisa (Ang sikat na baliw sa akdang Noli Me Tangere)
at NCMH :)

Somehow, someway, I came to realize that sometimes life is not a choice.

SCHOOL YEAR 2010 ENDS!

Yes, you got that right. Makakapagbunyi na ako dahil sa wakas ay bakasyon na! PASKO NA! I had a lot this school year so I wish the coming year will be better. The same goes for everyone reading this blog of a commoner, let's rock the world! :)

The Best Attorney

2010-10-30T15:46:00.003+08:00

When I saw this, as if my heart melted. I remembered everything I've done. In the end, though life is hard, though I'm still young and haven't reach the half of everyone's struggles, I admit that I'm a sinner. Sometimes these sins are worse than I thought and I pray every night hoping that they'll be washed away. It becomes a habit. Now things met their end. I'm God's creation. I will always be imperfect to everyone's eyes but I am His. I WILL ALWAYS BE and please let yourself be :)

THE BEST ATTORNEY

After living what I felt was a 'decent' life, my time on earth came to the end.
The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting room of what I thought to be a court house.
The doors opened and I was instructed to come in and have a seat by the defense table.
As I looked around I saw the 'prosecutor.'
He was a villainous looking gent who snarled as he stared at me. He definitely was the most evil person I have ever seen.
I sat down and looked to my left and there sat My Attorney, kind and gentle looking man whose appearance seemed so familiar to me,I felt I knew Him.
The corner door flew open and there appeared the Judge in full flowing robes.
He commanded an awesome presence as He moved across the room I couldn't take my eyes off Him.
As He took His seat behind the bench, He said, 'Let us begin.'
The prosecutor rose and said,
'My name is Satan and I am here to show you why this man belongs in hell.'
He proceeded to tell of lies that I told, things that I stole, and In the past when I cheated others. Satan told of other horrible Perversions that were once in my life and the more he spoke, the further down in my seat I sank.
I was so embarrassed that I couldn't look at anyone, even my own Attorney, as the Devil told of sins that even I had completely forgotten about.
As upset as I was at Satan for telling all these things about me, I was equally upset at My Attorney who sat there silently not offering any form of defense at all.
I know I had been guilty of those things, but I had done some good in my life - couldn't that at least equal out part of the harm I'd done?
Satan finished with a fury and said, 'This man belongs in hell, he is guilty of all that I have charged and there is not a person who can prove otherwise.'
When it was His turn, My Attorney first asked if He might approach the bench. The Judge allowed this over the strong objection of Satan, and beckoned Him to come forward.
As He got up and started walking, I was able to see Him in His full splendor and majesty.
I realized why He seemed so familiar; this was Jesus representing me, my Lord and my Savior. He stopped at the bench and softly said to the Judge, 'Hi, Dad,' and then He turned to address the court.
'Satan was correct in saying that this man had sinned, I won't deny any of these allegations. And, yes, the wages of sin is death, and this man deserves to be punished.'
Jesus took a deep breath and turned to His Father with outstretched arms and proclaimed, 'However, I died on the cross so that this person might have eternal life and he has accepted Me as his Savior, so he is Mine.'
My Lord continued with, 'His name is written in the Book of Life, and no one can snatch him from Me.
Satan still does not understand yet. This man is not to be given justice, but rather mercy.'
As Jesus sat down, He quietly paused, looked at His Father and said, 'There is nothing else that needs to be done.'
'I've done it all.'
The Judge lifted His mighty hand and slammed the gavel down. The following words bellowed from His lips...
'This man is free. The penalty for him has already been paid in full. 'Case dismissed.'
As my Lord led me away, I could hear Satan ranting and raving, 'I won't give up, I will win the next one.'
I asked Jesus as He gave me my instructions where to go next, 'Have you ever lost a case?'
Christ lovingly smiled and said, 'Everyone that has come to Me and asked Me to represent them has received the same verdict as you, 'Paid In Full'

AMEN :)

Falling Apart

2010-10-23T15:23:00.004+08:00

Last Wednesday, I already submitted our last requirement for the semester. Sa wakas sem break na rin :) Ang tagal ko ring hinintay na mag-sembreak. Sa totoo lang, mas mahirap ang buhay high school pero sobrang na-stress ako ngayon dahil sa mga tao kaya pakiramdam ko patayan sa College. Siguro unti unti ko ng nalalaman kung bakit maraming nagsusuicide 'pag College but I don't have plans, ok? =)) I don't know if this entry will gonna be that long, I'm kinda unpredictable. See? I'm using both English and Filipino here ^^ So this will be a short one :)) Just enjoy yourselves. In case you're not satisfied kindly click here and let's be friends :)

MAJOR REPORTING
So I think it'll be a part of our every semester to have those reports that we are required with. It's the scariest event of my semester but this time it's different. Somehow I feel pressured because our group went first and I'm the last reporter. Pakiramdam ko talaga eh malas ako pagdating sa bunutan. Alam mo yun? Ako kasi yung nakabunot ng 1 (first group reporter) at ako ang nakakuha ng 5 (last individual reporter). When it comes to these matters, I do wanna go first nor last. I'd rather be the one in the middle, pero minsan lang nangyayari sa buhay ko yun eh :p Well good thing everything went well. Thanks God :)

(from left to right) Me, MJ, Tin, Beng, Chloe

TOO MUCH DRAMA

I used to be very dramatic BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL that's why I don't understand why I can't mingle with some of my classmates that well. Every time I was able to do things with them smoothly, dramas usually come out. From the Narra Tree to the Chicago practices.

I'm afraid we will have to reach this thing :(

Narra Tree
Masama talaga ang loob ko sa Narra na yan. Hindi naman sa mabilang ako sa gawain pero napakaunfair lang talaga. Minsan talaga mas kampante akong gumawa mag-isa pero hindi ko talaga maiwan ang grupo or mga kaklase ko. Ngayon, nagaway-away yung iba tungkol sa Narra na yan. Kulang kasi yung tinanim namin dahil hindi naman lahat nagtanim. The result, not everyone got their part and worse, those who didn't put much effort completed theirs.

Day before the commotion happened, we already knew that things like that will happen. We already calculated the plants before dividing it and that afternoon we saw how the remaining plants will not suffice every member of the class. While doing the segregation and naming, a lot of us are shouting and giving our comments loudly about how bad things happened, how come the first people who went there didn't even thought of the others and we even blame a group for something, we don't really know about.

"Masama magbintang" - that's how we ended our day and I'm glad we're right.

CHICAGO
The reason why the 2nd quarter of my 1st semester is so messed up is because of this production's practice. I enjoy theater performances even when I was young, but this thing is different. Now I know how does it feel to do something you don't enjoy. IT SUCKS BIG TIME!

Everything sucks big time. Ang araw araw na practice pangtamad at usapang tanga, for my own precious life, give me a break. You know what happens when you're sick of lame excuses and words of impression rather than expression? We can hardly make a number done.

Minsan nakakatamad magpractice dahil may mga hindi umaattend, may mga maaaga pang umuwi kahit di na nga masyadong nagpparticipate. Nakakainis lang kasi sa badang huli kami lahat napapagalitan >.< I had a lot with this production and after it, I'll surely burst everything here in my blog. As of now, these are some videos of Chicago. These are the numbers I'm included at.

Let's spread love :)

To My Best Friend

2010-10-02T13:37:00.003+08:00

Today is the celebration of my best friend's 18th birthday (though her real birthday is still tomorrow). I don't have any plans of blogging today but since I'm wearing a heavy heart 'cause I can't attend her celebration due to my Major's report preparation this Monday, I will still do. It's giving me the assurance that things will definitely let us meet half way.

Mary Fatima Enriquez Ligan and I became best friends when we were in our 5th grade in Elementary. I think fate really destined us to be together 'cause our hearts felt at peace even during the day that we first met and the day to day pacing of our lives. I never had the chance to attend any of her birthdays. During our 5th grade, when she invited us over, I was reprimanded 'cause I cut my hair alone that made my mother angry. I can't remember what happened when we were in our 6th grade but I wasn't able to attend again. When we entered High School, they move into another house. From the country's capital they moved to a city-province, Cavite and since that day we never had the chance to see each other again even until now that we are in our Sophomore year in College. And now it seems like history is repeating itself. I feel sad about how fate created a special connection of our hearts and how it can't bring them back together. Throughout the years that passed we barely had some time to talk and when we are, we just managed to greet each other with "Hello, how are you?" then bids goodbye with "I miss you." What surprises me is that we're best friends for 9 years and the 7 years of it, we grew separately and celebrated our birthdays apart yet I don't feel that we are less of being best friends now. And now that she will enter the world of womanhood tomorrow I'll give my full trust and support that she can accomplish everything that she wants about her life, I'm confident enough that no matter how things get tough day by day she can come out live and when she can't I'll pull her out or push her up. Things did change, so do us but I'm happy to let her know that she didn't leave an empty space in my heart. She is still my irreplaceable best friend, the one and only piece that can fit on a very special part of my puzzle - my life.

To my best friend Fatima,

Happy birthday best! Alam mo miss na miss na talaga kita. Sorry kung di kita nainform kaagad, nawala talaga sa isip ko kasi tambak yung ginagawa. Enjoy your day ha :) I love you always my forever best friend :)

Love,
Glaze :)

Life Like TV

2010-09-19T14:10:00.009+08:00

This is my first time to blog using this laptop. I've been out for some time because of some technical, health and school problems. For sometime I understood that a busy schedule inside someone's life isn't just for a celebrity but for normal people as well :)

I had a lot this past days. I felt like I'm watching myself do the acts of those people I watch on the television. People, nature and fun highlights my entry today :)

Narra Tree Planting
Narra is the Philippines' national tree. It used for making the best furniture and it provides a good shade for growing very tall. It takes a long time for a Narra tree to grow that big and provide for us. As our country ages, Narra trees already decreased in number because of our consumption. On our NSTP class, we were assigned to plant 15 seeds of Narra as part of our requirements.

I thought that it'll be just planting then we will go home but then it's not as easy as that. We did everything from soil mixing to watering the plants. I never knew that sawdust can be mixed with soil and we really have to use our bare hands to mix it thoroughly. Then to put the mixed soil on the plant bag then soil again. Next we have to find a nice place where our baby Narras will home - somewhere where the sun and rain are friendly, somewhere where we can reach easily to see them. :)

Please don't falter baby~

I wish our baby Narra will grow like this one :)

I enjoyed planting them, it feels like being a part of G7 at Invincible Youth. Though it's a dirty job, touching soil and putting earthworms, I feel very happy about it :) I talk with every plant bags I worked at - "Please tumubo ka baby..." I may look crazy saying that to those plant bags that holds the Narra seeds but I don't mind at all.

I just held something that will contribute to the Philippines someday. I just touched 15 lives and someday it'll touch more. I wish they'll grow successfully :)

Outdoor Activity
I'm not very sporty but when it comes to adventure I'm always on the go :) I love adventure and pushing myself to the limits. So when I heard about our outdoor activity, I really can't hold my excitement. I'm bursting with excitement, I know this will gonna be okay :)

Of course I had a tiring day and I woke up having body pains but then I'll always look back at that day, it's like my dream while our Stat subject is going on. I'll just let the pictures explain my lovely dream come true :)

Our outdoor activity's venue :)
Falcon Crest Resort
Norzagaray, Bulacan

Selca at the Norzagaray view :)

Going down for the first challenge!
It's tough road going down :)

The first challenge: Rope Course!
It's really slippery :))
I finished it for 1 min and 30 seconds :)

Challenge 2: Cargo Net! :)
I don't have a huge fear of heights so I went well,
except nung napahiga ako pag baba ko diyan =))

Challenge 3: Rappelling! :)
I miss doing this. I was just 15 when I last
did this. It's good to do it again :)

The next challenge is the matrix. I didn't
have a pic of that, so I just posted a selca on
the rubber swings I saw :)
.It's when we have to go through
a way not touching the strings. I passed for 14 seconds :D

My classmates and I were having fun on
the rubber swings after the matrix challenge :)

Then the wall climbing :D
This is the hardest challenge for me so
I didn't ask for my time ;)

On the way home :)
Mg kaklase ko - BSP II-23 :)

I went at school before the sun rises then
we went home guided by the perfect sunset :)

RECOLLECTION

We had that one last Friday. I don't know but seeing my classmates seeking reconciliation and thanking others makes me feel lighter :) I appreciate them giving me a candle and saying thank you for everything that I've done for them. I've forgiven those who said their apologies. I guess this is all part of being human. Once in a while we have to touch this point, not just to cry but to learn.

We pledge on these candles to be better people :)

I wish everyone a happy life full of lovely days! :)

Forgiveness

2010-08-25T18:13:00.006+08:00

A lot happened these past few days. More than what I expected, things falter the norm and I wasn't ready at all. Bad things, good things, I don't know what to say. But above everything that I've experienced, FORGIVENESS is the thing that I gave to everyone and to every situation that happened. After all I can do nothing but learn. It's part of being human to be vulnerable to pain and it never exempts anyone, even the optimist ME :)

EFFORT
When I was in High School, I'm an Algebra Loser but I never got a grade lower than our curriculum's cut off. It's either I get 85 % or better, all thanks to the 6-letter word E F F O R T :) I thought before that effort is something that when you give your heart at anything, it'll be rewarded but what happened last Friday proves that didn't satisfy this idea at all.

Last Friday, we're suppose to have our first exam at our Major for 2nd quarter but our Prof got mad at us because 1. of our seating arrangement 2. of our play prod 3. of our shoes 4. of how we look. I was on the hot seat because of the play prod. I'll have the opening number at our play production "Chicago" at the same time, I'm the costume designer and still have to work at the props committee. Last Wednesday, we went at Tabora (somewhere at Manila) to purchase things that are available at that time and to look for the items we need. The purchasing of goods are settled week ago and was included at the calendar of activities. I felt relieved thinking that we got a step closer to our play prod progress but it's the other way around.

Our Prof scolded Me and Anne for purchasing the goods because he said that he told us to not via our President. We don't have any idea about it. Our prof added that we are "atribida" or I think "antipatika" because of what happened and get this, fighting back our President. I broke down and cry when our Prof left the room. I felt that everything I did for our group weren't worth it :(

Our class decided to talk about what happened. Things like our President let everything on his side as well as ours. It's ok for me to be scolded like that if things like that really happened like "not to buy props" and "fighting back." First, the information about the props wasn't mentioned to us. Our President approved the calendar of activities I presented to him and day before we went at Tabora, he even announced at class to settle their accounts because we will buy our props the next day. Next, if he (Pres) has given us the info not to buy props, he could have warned me the next day (Thursday) when I handed him the other props that will be stored at PsychSoc office. Third, about the fighting back. I didn't fought back, we didn't fought back. We just explained our sides that he really didn't say anything about the purchasing. I was crying when I talked about my side at class. I told them that I'm not looking for thank you(s) and recognition or anything but at least. let our efforts be counted as a part of that group. I'm open to them even at first on how I dislike doing "Chicago" but I didn't complain and when they gave me the parts I should play at, I did my best. I'm hurt 'cause I've been a good member and yet our Prof saw me as someone rebel because of the "sumbong" factor. Well if this "sumbong" thing is true, I'll really see it as an immature action thinking at our age like 16-23 will do those things even if we can settle things be ourselves.

After the forum, our President apologized to me. He said stuffs like no info, he knows how does it feel doing your duties yet you appear as a villain, etc. For me everyone or everything is forgiven. I don't hold any grudge about it 'cause everything already happened and there's no way for me to change it. After this problem that we encountered, I felt that maybe this is good that it happened. This situation revealed who my friends are and who to doubt at. I really appreciate how our section turned this bad morning into a happy ending by making a Famas Parody :D Well, the reason why I entitled this part as Effot is because I was nominated as a Best Actress for the movie Effort at our Famas Parody HAHAHAHA! 'Cause Well if you dissect the words I gave at our open forum, I emphasized the word effort :p

To everyone who comforted me and told me nice/inspiring words, thank you so much. You don't know how much I gained myself back hearing your words of encouragement. For our President, it's ok. Apology Accepted :)

DEBATE SOCIETY
I love debates. I love how we analyze things and put up our arguments when I was in Junior High. Reaching this age, I felt that my love for debate declined. I don't know if I'm just afraid or what. All I know is I'm not confident enough to stand for something implied for me to do.

Last week, some from our section were invited to attend the screening for DebSoc. I was flattered, of course but something ticklish is inside me. Voices asking if I can carry it again or what? I had a hard time deciding then last Monday, I informed our Prof that I'll not attend the screening. I just reasoned out that my parents didn't allow me but I lied. I didn't inform my parents about it but even if I do, I know I'll get the same answer.

I observed some who got involved in debate teams and received training, etc. Most of them are not who they are when I first knew them. When they're already an official member of a debate team they already think too highly of themselves and I don't want to be like that. I know that it is up to me but when you are stuck on a situation like that who knows who'll you be? No one can ever can tell.

My father always tells us to do our best and reach the top but never lift our feet from the ground. He added that no matter how rich, pretty or intelligent you are if you are so full of yourself, your awards and recognition can never define what you've learned, that it's better to be an average being with a good heart than to be famous with nothing in his or her heart. When I graduated HS, I experienced something unusual at the University. No matter how you try to treat everyone good and equal, some will still hate you. The usual expressions that I carried or I'm used to when I was in High School all vanished. I chose not to say those expressions anymore because the first time I said it, a friend got mad at me. And it's a not a good feeling at all. Ever since I went at PNU, i kept a low profile and yet some still see me as a boastful person when they started to hear that I came from MaSci which I think is not a fair reason to give. We all went at College, and it means everything is back at zero. This thing also added to my reason of not attending the DebSoc screening. I don't wanna be seen a boastful person, neither I don't wanna see myself as one.

If I'll just consider my own views, I really want to join and challenge my self. But then, there are things that we need to give up in order to have a healthy,growing relationship with others. I just hope that I made a good decision 'cause if not, I think this is something to regret but after all should be accepted.

TO WEEP
Last Monday, a hostage taking incident happened at Quirino,Manila. I just found out about it when I was home though the incident happened near our school- it's a walking distance. Everyone watched out for every turn of events and sadly it didn't reach a peaceful ending. Some hostages died and even the hostage taker.

Now everyone is blaming everyone- the police, the government, the media, the hostage taker, etc. I felt that it is something we should we work on in unity and not just saving our selves for the sake of credibility and tourism 'cause lives were lost- more important than credibility. I'm glad that my course really helps me to understand people, their reactions and their behaviors. It's easy for me to listen and understand now and not just judging based on what I saw, hear and how others experience situations like that.

We should see the hostage taker not just as a criminal and not judge him based on what we saw on our televisions last Monday. I read on a Psychology book my Mom gave me that there is a high level of stress a person can feel if he loss his job and that's something we should understand first. He loss his job because he was removed from the service, he has a family and he worked hard for his career. The hostage taking that he did shows that he is trying to convince everyone that he is innocent. If I'll apply the standard to distinguished good from bad, right or wrong that my teachers taught us, well, it is wrong. Though he has right views to prove his innocence, the action that he used to show is bad 'cause it involved loss of lives. It's like the case of Robin Hood, he has the vision to help poor people but do it while stealing from the well-off. At this point, we should understand the 2 sides of every story, the half of every symmetry.

For the police, I saw a lot of tweets, messages, reports and news where all the blame is at them. Yes, they really have faults on rescuing at that incident and they already admit so we don't have to rub it into their faces how weak their forces are. After all, if we will be in their shoes, we will also be not sure if we can handle that situation well. So we should not talk as if they didn't do anything to save the hostages 'cause if they didn't they could have stayed at their houses and secure their selves and their families. For the government, I think it is normal for the people to blame the government for things that didn't go their way. Like on the police case, if we kept on blaming them as if we know better then why not replace them. If we keep on blaming the government and the Chinese community will also do the same then who will build our government up, if we, their fellow country men can't understand and give the support they need?

At times like this, we should take part by sending our prayers to the souls of those who died and send our apology to the Chinese community. But then we should not be hateful to the Philippines and the Filipinos as well as the Hong Kong and the Chinese 'cause after all we're all human, we all deserve respect.

I just hope that this situation will not worsen things. Not to generalize that Filipinos are all hostage takers and Philippines is a nest full of terrorists. Anything like this can happen anywhere, it is just that at time, it happened to us. LET'S BE STRONG AND PRAY :)

TO REJOICE
Maria Venus Raj won as a 4th runner up at Ms. Universe and for me it is something to rejoice. I'm very proud that she did her best and made something for the Philippines to be proud of. I saw how everyone monitored the pageant and her progress there. And a lot really jumped for joy when she was crowned.

Aside from the hostage taking, the talk of the town is also about Venus Raj. I'm disappointed to hear comments from my fellow Filipinos about Venus Raj's answer at the question and answer portion. For me, there's nothing wrong about her answer. If that's how she felt then let her be. I really don't understand why people have to label her as "sayang", "bobita", etc. The way I see I know there's something wrong. When someone's acting like a hypocrite we bully him/her, when she's at her natural, we still do the same. Where are we? Do we really just recognize their mistakes instead of their potentials? We should always learn how to be in others shoes, it really works :)

Forgiveness should always be given to attain a peaceful community but not all forgiveness is coupled with the other word "forget." No matter how hard we try, there are people we can forgive but can never forget. No matter how hard things would be, I learned that it's never easy until you experienced being in it so there's no need to fear :)

Quarter End

2010-08-07T13:33:00.007+08:00

It has been 2 months since Sophomore year started. How time flies swiftly. Next week marks the beginning of new things- new professors, new subjects, new challenges. It has been a tough and rapid quarter for me. Suddenly, I felt the change that comes with age. It's good to know that I can still blog about what's up with my life and melancholic to feel that I'm just looking and typing the flashbacks. At some point, our lives will rush back on our memories and we should watch it well. The crying times may be funny and those happy times may be teary to the eye and wishful to the heart. This is my quarter end update, I hope this will not be the last :)

BLOCK MATES

Ever had the feeling of being somewhere you don't know along with the others you never know existing? I had. It's kinda weird being in this University where heterogeneous majors are together during their first year and have to go on their own way during the next. Being with BSP II-23 is so-so for me. At first, I can't believe that they'll be with me for 3 years. It has been 2 months, I find some of them nice but there are still some that I doubt either because they're still unable to bring themselves up and those who show good smiles and yet kept surprising me about their behaviors.

I don't really mind at all whether they show me their best or "beast" attitude as long as we click it's fine. For me, if you wanna be friends with someone , you have to understand him/her and accept him/her as a whole, no more, no less. With no other plans of changing him/her just because you can't keep up but if I feel I can't handle that person anymore, I will simply explain it to that person to avoid misunderstanding and if words can't keep it anymore, it's better to stay away because everything reach their ends.

I find some people from my section responsible like our Vice President, Grace and the auditor, Carlo. Though our president is somehow responsible I find him irritating. It's because of what happened during the past few weeks- close minded, indeed. Although I have a so called "group," I don't focus my whole University life around them, I keep exploring other horizons like exchanging stories to other people inside MB 305. I find June Anne the best. Though we talk as if we're fighting, I find her nice and sweet. I can't mention everyone 'cause I haven't had enough time being with them. They're average so far :) Did I mention Chloe, Charm, Jobelle and Sip nice? :)

Although some are very noisy, disrespectful and boastful I still find those people possessing good qualities. Maybe it's just a matter of carrying their personality, a strong personality maybe. I'll not get tired of waiting to see those unfold like how I waited during Darwin-ners time (HS-junior year) when after during the school year end we accepted each other as a family and hey what's up with 3 years? :)

I just hope our section will keep the bond. We still have to establish a good foundation of course but then I'm satisfied at this point :)

CHICAGO

Every year, Psychology department requires Sophomore students to prepare for their talent explosion. And like the other year, we'll have the same this year. And we will have Chicago. Actually this part of my entry will mainly focus on how miserable I felt about this choice but it's not just about bitterness here, there'll always be a knock on our heads :)

I'm not really in favor with Chicago. Our class watched it together and I don't feel it as a good thing. Aside from the fact that the production is too big I felt that it doesn't suit our age from costumes to actions. I saw lot of my classmates bored- sitting at the back, some are sleeping, some are putting their make up on while some manage to go out. My other classmate who's sitting beside me said "Inaantok ako." I experienced being in theater before, yeah Chicago might be a good production for a long preparation and for the people who are fated to do it.

This caused my irritation to our President 'cause he keep on insisting for us to do it. And I found out about something- he lied.

DAY BEFORE
Us: panoorin natin Hairspray, mas bagay sa atin eh, saka mas maganda.
Him: eh pinili na ni Sir yung Chicago eh, final na

NEXT DAY
Prof: Nakapili na ba KAYO ng ipeperform NINYO sa talent explosion?

He said our Prof decided to go for Chicago then it turned out that our Prof gave that decision making to US and not just to our President. And next- he's disrespectful.

DAY BEFORE
Us: Sir meron po kasi kaming nakitang isa pa- Hairspray. Ito po pwede ng panoorin.
Prof: okay (then left the room for us to watch)
Him: (doing whatever then shouted) Yung mga gusto ng mag-recess, magrecess na.
Us: -.-

Dude, hello? How could you? We watched and finished your effin Chicago even if it's against our will. We could have taken an early lunch instead but we respected your command for us to watch that. I know that you don't want "Hairspray" but how about a little respect? My classmates went out leaving us, 'cause who doesn't want an early lunch?

We're irritated and our views fell on false hopes. Then came the time for the tasks distribution- I'm assigned for the costumes. Somehow I am thankful that they assigned me on that job. Aside from it unfolds my forgotten dream to be a fashion designer (when I was 8), it gave me the chance to manipulate the designs on how it'll look "Chicago" yet conservative and comfortable.

I can't do something about it now but to give my best to save ourselves from further trouble and spare myself from issues not worthy of my time. After all, it may worth the try. The yummy chocolate that melted inside your mouth tastes bitter after consuming all of it then soon it'll be all gone :) Sweet things aren't always sweet and bitterness doesn't stay that long :)

PETIKS
I still laugh when I use and hear that word HAHAHA! The word that's popularized by my Junior high classmate Mark, though people used that even before :)) PETIKS is the same as relaxed :) That's how I feel right now. Last week is such a horror week for me, an equivalent to my hell year when I was in High school :)

REPORT ENDS~

And after all those stress factors, I feel like flying right now. I finished all my reports already and the subjects for this quarter. It's a long wait and Jurassic years of fright. It's good to have them all accomplished :)

THE UNCOOL-EST DAD

If this term really exist then I bet it's my Dad. He spent most of his life being a Soldier, whether go to different places or at office. He doesn't have a social networking site account, doesn't play golf, doesn't read the newspaper at morning and contented staying at home after work.

This week, we found out that he's sick. And have to take maintenance stuffs to cure his lungs' viral infection. I'm not really used with this kind of situation. I always have this wishful thinking that my parents will live a long life and be with us until we reach our dreams. And if time will come that they have to go and stay with Papa God, I wish they'll not be taken away by an accident or sickness. Just a simple passing away...

That's why I feel really sad about it and keeping my hopes high that he'll get better after some time :) It'll be a long and hard prayer but it'll soon meet the ends :)

My Dad maybe's the uncool-est or whatever adjective kids nowadays affix but I love him a lot. He's the one (aside from God and my mother) who never gave up on me :) He always boost my spirit up. He's the one who patiently taught me how to write a cursive "f" during our 4th grade (when kids are all required to write in cursive form) that's why I haven't forgot that in able to write it I should remember tying a cute ribbon :) He's also the one who never stopped reminding me that when things get tough, just pray and if my prayer isn't answered learn how to wait. And most of all, not to judge people on how they look- be it ugly or fat or dark, it's respect that should always be kept in mind.

It's ok that my Dad doesn't belong to the "cool" era as long as he is my Dad. He may not be the coolest but he's one of the best people I had in my life :)

GOAL SETTING
Hmmm.. it's like a portfolio making here HAHAHA!

1. to balance study with play
2. to make better grades
3. to mingle with other people
4. KEEP YOUR GOALS

Let's see how far will this be :) Lovely day to those who read! :)

1% Twitter

2010-08-01T14:55:00.004+08:00

Ok so wala talaga akong planong magpost ng entry nagyong araw na ito since wala namang kapana panabik na nangyari saken noong mga nakaraang araw, plano ko sana next week kasi super maraming mangyayari next week :p Kung hindi lang sana sa isang pagyayari sa twitter, 1% palang ito ng mga pangayayri sa Twitter, mind you :p

Araw araw nasa Twitter ako syempre para makakonek sa lahat ng kakilala ko. Ngayong araw na ito nakakaBV lang kasi naman pati sa usapan ng may usapan eh may nakikisabat kahit hindi naman nila concern. Pero okay lang eh kasi nasa social networking site ako no, hello, understood na maiinvade talaga ang privacy ng kahit sino.

Nagstart yun sa tweet namin ni Elly tungkol kay Charice. Nagshare kami ng thoughts, reaction, experience ko noong pumunta si Charice sa Masci and nabanggit din namin yung reaction ng ibang tao kay Charice at comparison kay Sarah.

Gaya ng feel namin eh ginagaya ni Charice si Sarah pati pagtawa w/c is marami na rin ang nagsasabi. Tapos sabi ko noong nasa school sila nung 2nd yr HS pa ako eh ang taray ng Mom ni Charice kasi umiirap minsan na sinabi rin ng mga school mates ko. Na mas like namin si Sarah dahil humble at magalang.

Sa amin lang eh hindi kami anti, hindi rin kami super fan. Hindi rin kami haters at crab. I even mentioned at Elly na maraming may ayaw kay Charice kasi nga mayabang daw at pangit which is sa tingin ko eh mali kasi kalahi pa rin natin si Charice then lastly sabi ko "Crab mentality nga naman."

Noong una si Elly yung nireplyan tapos ako na. Sabi pa nung isa "U wanna be someone someday? Ur attitude will pull you down girl! Nega attitude.. " (not the exact words pero yun yung tumatak saken) Nakakatawa na nakakainis kasi wala kaming masamang intensyon ni Elly, normal conversation lang talaga. Tama si Elly na immature sila. Hindi naman kami naninira eh, nagsheshare lang kami ng opinions and reactions. Hindi naman siguro masama di ba? :)

Hindi ako galit kay Charice, hindi rin ako anti. Noong nalaman kong nasa Glee siya eh wala naman akong negative reaction kahit na marami akong kakilala na naiinis kasi andoon siya. Sinusuportahan ko pa rin siya no :)

Kung nakakaoffend man yung mga sinabi namin, Sorry :) Pero sana as much as gusto niyong irespect ang opinion ninyo eh respect din ang opinion namin.

Sumagot ako pero syempre gumagalang pa rin :) eh total wala akong plano makipag argument. Ako na lang yung dapat umintindi total hindi heightened ang emotions ko :) Another reason why I love and I'm thankful to Psychology :) I don't judge, I understand :)

Wake up to the reality that things don't always go on your way. As much as lot likes you, there are also who hates, unsatisfied with your existence and doesn't care at all. This is life. It's not always sweet~

LESSONS FOR THE DAY: Everyone is entitled to experience things like this. It's part of being human :)

Out Of The Box

2010-07-25T11:54:00.013+08:00

I'm 17 and a University student. I'm quite busy and only have 3 places to go or stay at all the time- room, school or in front of the TV. During the past few days I enjoyed my life going to different places, meeting different people, living the life I should enjoy. Yes it's true, a lot of lessons are learned out of the box- outside the four corners of a room.

KOREAN NIGHT
I have Korean friends and I enjoy Korea's Culture. Last 20th of July, our Korean friends invited us to join their party. It's nice. They have Taekwondo and Fan Dance shows, fellowship and dinner. It's true that Asians enjoy being with other people and making them happy as well. My Korean friends already left last Thursday with high hopes like mine that we can still see each other again next time :)

Korean Night: Undignified @ Maceda Auditorium

Victor Oppa :) Siya talaga una kong friend eh. Nagulat kasi
siya. Una, makita ako kasi kamuka ko daw ang friend niya
sa Seoul. Ikalawa, pagkausap ko sa kanya ng Korean :)
Kaya di daw niya ako makalimutan HAHAHA :p

Dream :) Ang cute niya no? Makulit siya nakakatuwa.
Nagulat din siya saken eh AHAHAHA! Kasi di niya
mabigkas pangalan ko tapos di siya makapaniwala
sa edad ko. "Oh! 17?!" :D

Crystal :) Ang kulit niya magpapicture eh HAHAHA! Panalo
yung mga pose :) Nagulat din siya kasi binigyan ko siya ng
letter tapos in Korean din :) Namali pa nga ako ng spell eh
"Krystal" nalagay ko eh "Crystal" pala dapat :) Naadik sa f(x)
eh =))

Sarah, pinakasweet sa kanila. Super :) Hinayaan niyang magpic yung iba
suot yung Hanbok niya :) Tapos bago ako umalis sabi niya saken "Ingat ka"
Ako naman yung nagulat :)) Nasabi ko nalang "Salamat"

SKYDOME SEMINAR
Last Wednesday we attended a Seminar at SM City North Skydome. It's the 32nd National Disability Prevention and Rehabilitation Week. We met a lot of different people there, some are normal, some are physically or mentally disabled. We stayed there for a day. Through my stay my eyes opened into a reality that I'm very lucky enough to be normal, physically and mentally.

I feel kinda sorry especially for the kids. They're suffering into a situation they don't want and yet some of them are being disliked. But then I believe that there's no one to blame at. God made those kids, they're special and like us we should treat them equal. Most of all give them our love and care as much as possible.

Our invitation :) Actually mali talaga yung pinuntahan namin.
Dapat sa Guadalupe talaga pero dito kami napunta and dito
na rin kami pinag stay. Tadhana nga naman :)

BSP II-23, section ko :) Kasama namin yung 2 bata and isang
parent. Hinihintay namin yung lunch namin niyan eh :)
Kahit 2PM na dumating, solve naman kasi masaya kasama
yung mga tao diyan :)

Si Lyka :) May Dwarfism siya pero sobrang saya at batang bata talaga.
Namimiss ko na siya :"> Sa buong time na magkasama kami, konti lang
narinig kong sinabi niya "Picture.." "Hi.." at ang kanyang napakabibang
"YEHEY!" tapos lagi niya pa akong hinahug :)

I chose studying Psychology not because it's in demand and creates lot of money. Being with different people counts the most. Like at this event and more to come. I can't treat all of the disabled people but at least I'll try make them feel happy for a moment and if possible, make them see that life is still worth living :)

THE POWER OF SILENCE
I commute everyday since I reached the 2nd semester of my Junior year in High School. Sometimes I feel exhausted doing this everyday and even ask my parents on my mind about this but last Friday I feel that it isn't bad at all :) It's fun riding the jeepney and see a lot of different people. You can tell by their faces or their behavior how they feel getting into that 7 minutes ride and the exciting reality that at that span of time a lot can happen- whether good or bad, that's how life is witnessed inside a public vehicle :)

While I was inside of it last Friday, there's this boy maybe more or less 10 years old. He's giving out little envelopes and tapping his "little drum" - made of a big can of milk and rubber bands then a woman began saying hurtful words to him:

BABAE: bat ka namimigay nito? Ilang taon ka na ba?
BOY: *tahimik lang at nakangiti*
BABAE: bawal to eh dapat nirereport ka sa Baranggay, dapat mga magulang mo nagbibigay sayo ng pera di kami. Bawal yan eh. Ilang taon ka na ba ha?
BOY: *same expression*
BABAE: *talks to the other people* dapat kasi hindi nanghihingi saten yan eh. Hindi naman natin kasalanan yan eh, dapat magulang nila! (boy tahimik na nakaupo at tumutugtog sa angkasan ng jeep)
(oras na para bumaba lahat ng pasahero)
BOY: Ipakukulam kita!
BABAE: SUBUKAN MO!

I know that woman has a point but I think it's too much. Ofcourse if given a chance the boy will not go inside that PUV and perform with an instrument (w/ substituted parts) to get money from us. He has his pride and ego, too that he swallowed just to live. I can't blame the boy for saying that thing, sometimes when we're hurt we say things like that. It's normal but shouldn't be done every time.

I didn't say a thing to the woman or to the boy. It's not because I tolerate them but rather I respect both sides. Never underestimate the power of silence. Sometimes it's the only way that we can understand the people around us.

ALWAYS REMEMBER
The thing I learned whether outside or inside the room is not to forget the people I shared my life with. This is what happened yesterday :) It has been 2 years since I graduated High School and now that I'm in my Sophomore year at the University I still miss the good old times. Many times that I've entered a post here about my High School friends and how I miss them. And yesterday I had a fun night with them. Pia celebrated her 18th birthday, how time flies fast.

This is the biggest reunion if ever. 30 kami noong gumraduate
tapos ngayon halos di na kami magkakitaan pero okay lang
atleast solve kagabi. MISS YOU LAWRENCE! ♥

When you already graduated in High School you'll always remember the good old times. But the good old times aren't really all good. There are those humiliating and sad things that happened to us but then at this point we're just laughing about those. It's not all bad after all, it makes life more exciting :)

Believe it or not, there are a lot to learn out of the box. Lucky are those people who have their eyes wide open seeing reality. People, emotions and things that changed and will change again are just pieces of life. Whether we forget them or not, life is still about learning. Academics can be learned inside the class room but there's no room to learn life. If it does, we should all be enrolled there :)

TAYO (WE)

2010-07-03T18:23:00.001+08:00

Noong ika-30 ng Hunyo, tumutok ang halos lahat ng mga Pilipino upang tunghayan ang isang panibagong yugto sa bansang Pilipinas. Ang pagtatapos ng Administrasyong Arroyo at bagong simula sa ilalim ng administrasyong Aquino. Para sa nakararami, ang bagong halal na Pangulong Aquino ang sagot sa matagal na inaasam na pagbabago ng bawat isa ngunit para sa akin- ito ay isang pagkakataon na hindi na muling dapat sayangin upang magsimula at hindi upang maghintay. Epektibo ang naging talumpati ni Pangulong Aquino sa kanyang Inauguration. Marami ang namangha, marami ang nabuhayan ng loob, marami ang napaisip. Naghalu halo ang lahat ng ito sa akin. Ang kasiguraduhan at pasasalamat na natapos na ang eleksyon. Ang paghiling na sana'y sa susunod na anim na taon ng kanyang termino ay sumama na ang lahat- WALANG MAIIWAN, ika nga niya.

Sa totoo lang hindi ako para kay Pangulong Noynoy Aquino- hindi siya ang pambato ko para sa pagkapangulo, ngunit sa mga oras na ito naniniwala akong pagtitiwala ang dapat manaig at hindi ang mga bagay na tapos na. Ang mga bagay na nais nating ibalik ay wala pa ring kasiguraduhan kung makapagdudulot ng kabutihan para sa lahat. Napapaisip ako sa mga sinabi ng Pangulong Aquino, wari'y dala na ako. Sa mga pangakong napako ng mga nakaraang pangulo, sa mga katiwalian na halos isampal sa taong bayan at sa mga lantarang kalokohan ng mga nakaraang namumuno. Minsan na akong nawalan ng pag-asa ngunit sa huli, hindi ko pa rin iniwanan at kinalimutan ang Pilipinas. Sa puntong ito, sana ako, kasama na rin ang iba ay hindi lamang ipagkatiwala ang sunod na 6 na taon sa bagong Pangulo sa halip ay tumulong at makiisa kung tunay na pagbabago ang hangad. Ang pagkakapanalo ng isang tao upang pamunuan tayong lahat ay hindi isang birong ideya, hindi madaling gawain ngunit lahat ay gagaan kung lahat ay magtutulungan. Hindi lamang nakasalalay sa iisang tao ang pangkalahatang pag-unlad na inaasam ng bawat isa.

Sa mga bumoto at naniwala. Sa mga ayaw. Sa mga nagdadalawang isip, tulad ko tungkol sa pamamalakad ng nanalong Pangulo. Hindi na siguro nararapat na maghintay pa tayo ng susunod na termino hanggang sa makuha ang gusto natin, hindi natin alam kung hanggang kailan ang kailan.

Bawat tao ay mayroong iba ibang pananaw, hindi mangyayari ang oras na ang isang tao ay magugustuhan ng lahat. Hindi maaaring lahat tayo ay magsimula sa taas. Hindi maaaring sa lahat ng oras ay dapat tayo ang mamili. Maraming oportunidad sa Pilipinas, kasindami ng umaayaw sa atin. Ang bilang ng mga naghihirap ay sapat na upang lahat tayo ay magsikap at hindi lamang isisi ang bawat pangyayari ng buhay natin sa gobyerno. Marami ang matatalino, marami ang magagaling, marami ang bilang ng mga Pilipinong masasaya at nagmamahal. Marami tayo. Sana kasindami rin natin ang tumugon sa inaasam natin, at hindi lamang pabigat o panghatak sa pangarap na minimithi ng nakararami.

Hindi milagro ang hatid ng bagong administrasyon. Sila ang maglalaan at maglalatag ng mga pagpapabuting pinaplano, nasa atin kung susunod tayo. Sana huwag nating iasa ang lahat dahil lahat tayo ay may pananagutan. Bata, matanda, may trabaho man o wala lahat tayo ay mga ginagampanan sa ating bayan. Higit sa ano pa man, ang personal na interes ay pangalawa lamang, una pa rin ang bayan. Nahihiya tayo kapag sinasabing walang magandang pamamalakad sa Pilipinas pero hindi ipinagsasawalang bahala lang natin ito, pinababayaan at sinusukuan.

Labing pitong taong gulang pa lamang ako, hindi nakaboto. Hindi ko hinahangad na sana pagkatapos ko ng Kolehiyo, dalawang taon mula ngayon ay tuluyan ng nagbago ang Pilipinas. Sapat na para sa akin ang makitang hindi nagkamali ang mga tagapagbantay namin. Sapat na sa akin ang madamang ang Pilipinas ay hindi nababagay na mata matahin ng ibang bansa. Naniniwala akong walang imposible sa mga taong biniyayaan ng galing at nagtitiwala sa Maykapal. Hindi imposibleng umangat ang Pilipinas, hindi imposibleng may pagbabago dahil may naghangad at gumawa ng pagbabago.

Kaya may salitang TAYO. Kung hindi na kailangan ang tulong ng bawat isa, pababayaan na lamang ang salitang AKO upang maging tagapagtaguyod ng bawat ideya. Sa mga panahong ito, marapat ng gamitin ang TAYO upang mapaunlad ang bawat AKO at IKAW.

Siguro kung mababasa ng iba ang entry na ito, iisipin nilang "corny" ako, kung sinong magsalita at kung anu ano pa. Ang mga bagay ba na kaya mong gawin at kung anong mayroon ka ay siya na lamang nagiging batayan na ng pagkatao? Hindi ko alam pero isang bagay ang sigurado ako. Ang pagunawa, pag-asa, pagaksyon, paniniwala at pagmamahal para sa Pilipinas ay hindi kabawasan sa pagkatao nino man. Kahit kailan.
____________

Last June 30, almost every Filipino watched as another chapter unfolds in the history of the Philippines. The end of Arroyo Administration and a fresh start under the Aquino administration. For a lot of us, the new President Aquino is the answer to the change all have been waiting for but for me- this is a chance to start and not to wait again. The President Aquino gave an effective speech on his Inauguration. A lot thinks it amazing, a lot felt hopeful while others felt skeptic about it. I had them mixed up. The assurance and gratefulness that the election’s over. Wishes that for this coming 6 years of his term, everyone will join- NO ONE WILL BE LEFT BEHIND, as he said.

Honestly, I didn’t root for President Aquino but at this point of time, I believe that trust should be above all things and not those stuffs that already ended. Things that we want back don’t give an assurance that it can bring the common good. I thought about what President Aquino said, I felt that I already had it. The broken promises and the illegal stuffs obvious or not in the eyes of the public by the previous administrations. Once, I felt hopeless but in the end I didn’t leave nor forget about the Philippines. At this point, I hope me together with my fellow countrymen not just trust the upcoming 6 years under the new Presidency, may we join in helping to reach the real change we’re all wanting for. The success of a person to govern us isn’t a funny idea, it’s not a piece of cake but everything will feel lighter if everyone will carry on. The progress that everyone wants isn’t just in the hand of a person.

To those who voted and believed. To those who don’t. To those having their second thoughts, like me about the plans of the President. It’s not right to wait for the next term to get what we want, after all we don’t know how when will lasts.

Everyone is entitled for his or her own opinion, never will come a time that one person will be liked by all people. Not all of us can start from the top. Not at all times we are entitled to choose. There are a lot of opportunities here at the Philippines, equal to the number of Filipinos who don’t consider them. The number of the poor people is enough already for us to make an action and not just to put the blame on our government. There are a lot of intelligent, skillful, happy and loving Filipinos. There are a lot of us. I hope it’s equal to the response we want and not just an outlier to the dreams and wishes of the majority.

The new administration doesn’t bring miracles. They will provide and layout better plans, it’s up to us if we will follow. Hopefully, we don’t rely on everything they do because everyone is responsible for everything. The youth, the elders, employed or not, we have a role and function to our country. More than anything else, our personal interest will always be on the second place, our country will still be at first. We are embarrassed when we hear that Philippines doesn’t have a good policy but we just ignore it, forlorn it.

I’m 17 years old, still not on the legal age to vote. I don’t wish that after finishing College, 2 years from now, Philippines already changed. It’s enough for me to see that our guardians made the right choice. It’s enough for me to see that the Philippines is not worth to be degraded by other countries. I believe that nothing is impossible to those people who are blessed with intelligence and who have great faith in God. It’s not impossible that Philippines will rise from where it is now, it’s not impossible that change will occur because we hoped and worked for it.

That’s why we have the word WE. If we don’t need help of other people, the word I will be the only one left and worthy for existence. At this time, we should use WE to improve I and YOU.
Maybe if others will read this entry, they’ll think I’m “corny”, naive or someone who thinks highly of herself to say things like that and even more. The things that you can do and what you have, is it the standard of being a person? I don’t know but there’s something I am sure of. Understanding, hope, action, faith and love for my country, the Philippines will not make a lesser person. And I think, It’ll never be.

PSY

2010-06-27T13:26:00.001+08:00

Last Friday, we had our Pinning Ceremony. I feel very happy and satisfied. Before, I often blog that I'm doing my very best to keep up with Psychology and I think there's nothing I can't do since I experienced every hardship getting into this course.

Our Pinning Ceremony marked the end of my struggles to be a Psychology major and a start of another goal- to finished my College level and in the possible level, with honors.

I woke up early. I feel this urge and excitement that I have to look presentable for everyone. I had my hair perfectly straightened and wore the required clothes. I finished everything with my 3 inches heelsed shoes (Now I know how does it feel to stand 5' 7"). I feel confident about myself though I'm wearing unusual clothes especially the shoes (During our JS Prom - Junior year, I take my shoes off and danced 'cause it hurts that much :p), that day's like perfect- I wish my parents witnessed that with their very own eyes but all I could give them are photographs.

Our pin. It's a greek letter PSY which means MYSTERY :)

Wearing my pin already.
I'm really proud of my self :)

Right after the Pinning Ceremony.

HOME SWEET HOME!
MOTHEEE, FATHEEE!
I GOT MY PIN ALREADY! :)

This is just the start :) To infinity and beyond! :)